Total Drama: Pahkitew Island (my version)
by CanineCartoonLover150
Summary: Season 5.2, same contestants, some with different roles, different relationships, and different elimination orders. Episodes before the merge are put in different order, but the final three stays the same except for one unexpected contestant.
1. Contestant biographies & audition tapes

Contestants

Sky (The Wild Chick)- An aspiring jungle queen raised in the wilderness, Sky is definitely in touch with her feral personality and thinks of herself as a wild animal. Due to her uncultivated background, Sky is so athletically talented that she can jump from tree to tree without much difficulty, single-handedly destroy an army of robots, and swipe a crystal without her teammates noticing. She is also an expert survivalist and can make the oddest scraps useful, adeptly hunt for food, find water in unlikely places and make shelter at a moment's notice. She may be fun-loving and easy to get along, but she is hard-to-handle and extremely rebellious, not letting others tame her passive-aggressive nature and does not take rejection very well, rejecting reality if it does not suit her to the point where she slips into insanity, seen by her unrequited infatuation for Dave despite already having a boyfriend back home.

Audition: (happy) Hi! I'm Sky! You probably know me as a (excited) WILD JUNGLE QUEEN, BABY! YEEEAAAHHHH! Oh yeah, I was raised in the wild by those two humans wearing those light green shirts and dark green shorts so I guess you can say I'm part-tiger, part-lion, part-bear, part-snake, and part-wolf! (laughs) I'm basically a wild animal! And when I win, I'm going to usurp the island as my very own PERSONAL THRONE! But if I do get picked on this show, (love struck) I'll really miss my boyfriend Keith. (sighs dreamingly) I'm gonna think about him every day when I'm on the show. (blows kiss) Love you!

* * *

Dave (The Neat Freak)- Very orderly, civilized, and uptight, Dave has an intense fear of germs and is disdainful of any form of mess as well as having very low tolerance of people with little to no manners. He is also a logical thinker, but finds himself having to deal with his teammates' antics, especially Sky's. However, he starts a romantic relationship with Ella and generally means well to other people's feelings, with the exception of Sky's fantasizing romance with him and he persistently declines a relationship to the point of harshly rejecting her, becoming even further disgusted when he learns that she forgotten about her boyfriend back home, unknowingly cheating on him with her insane infatuation for Dave.

Audition: (sitting at deluxe dining table) (polite) Hi, I'm Dave and- (notices something on camera) (disgusted) EEEEWWW! A speck of dirt on the lens?! UGH! Disgusting! (sprays and wipes lens) (annoyed) Okay, start over! (clears throat) (polite) Hi, I'm Dave and I like to be on your "Total Island thing show". The drama one, "Total Drama!" That's what it's called! (worried) I really should've written down what I wanted to say, but the only pen I could find was all chewed up! And not by me! Kind of grossed out thinking about that. (puts on sanitizer) (polite) Anyways, as a competitor, I'd be polite, appropriate towards people. Civilized to new friends, know what I mean? Keep them at their best. Yep, I'm gonna play this okay.

* * *

Sugar (The British Pageantry Slob)- A British girl who is determined to be crowned queen of the pageant, believing the show to be one. Sugar is used to the life of competition and beauty, and has exhibited impressive game strategies despite her lack of brainpower and difficulty of distinguishing fact from fiction. Being gluttonous, she will not even hesitate to eat a tarantula and constantly believes to deserve to have anything she wants and willing to play dirty to get it, becoming stubbornly spoiled and ruthless if she doesn't. Due to the pageant life, Sugar seems to be suspicious of others, as she wouldn't recognize true kindness and is willing to tell lies to manipulate others.

Audition: (standing in cottage yard) (British accent) I'm an obvious choice because I've been on T.V before. You probably recognize me from the Darwin Food Safari Restaurant Commercials. (laughs) Oh yeah, I'm a pro! (cut to restaurant) (wearing cow costume) (sings) Hungry for tasty snack. Zebra, tiger, dolphin, yak. Come inside, please join me. At Darwin's Food Safari! (normal) Now with Gouda, now on your plate! I mean, a face on your plate! I mean, a plate for your face! Whoa! (falls down) Damn! (farts)

* * *

Ella (The Singsong Princess)- A songbird with a personality just as angelic as her singing voice. Ella is highly enthusiastic and expresses her emotions through music and dance. Her songs have the ability to tame even the most ferocious animals on the island. They love her for it and she feels the same way for them. Being a huge fan of Total Drama World Tour, she sings throughout the season, oblivious to the annoyance of other contestants, though most of them hold nothing against her as a person. Despite nearly constantly in a great mood and open to doing whatever it takes to cheer somebody up, she finally unleashes a violent side when she is pushed around to no end throughout the next season.

Audition: (in apartment room) (happy) My name is Ella. I was a huge fan of Total Drama World Tour. I memorized all the songs from that season and performed them at the local mall in a one person flash mob! And then the nice security man told me I had a beautiful voice, and that I was banned from the mall. (sings) Please, pick meeee! (neighbor yells) (normal) My apartment walls are very thin. (calls out) (sings) Sorry, Mr. McGillis!

* * *

Jasmine (The Rodeo Cowgirl)- Raised in the harsh conditions of the Australian outback as a Southern American immigrant ranch worker, Jasmine is a professional cowgirl. Due to her experiences in the ranch, she is quick to take charge and is quite commandeering. However, she is very friendly and respectful to others, and makes up for her bossiness using her rodeo and bullfighting prowess to win her team the most challenges. After holding a grudge for a substantial amount of time against the lumberjack Rodney, she begins a relationship with him.

Audition: (Southern accent) Australia's home to eleven of the world's most deadliest creatures. Oh, and our toilets do not flush backwards. I think that's about all you need to know where I'm from, even if I'm a Southern American type immigrant. But I do love the rodeo here. Yee-haw! (cat jumps up on shoulder) Oh, and this is my cat, Whiskers. (cat bites) OWW! (falls down, stands back up shrugging) She's pretty frightful.

* * *

Rodney (The Lumberjack Loverboy)- A lumberjack boy who is a hopeless romantic and confused with attraction to females, but can be very sweet, caring, and considerate of others. Unfortunately, his most useful quality is his large size as opposed to his brain, as he is strong enough to carry a person with one hand. To his credit, he has spent his entire life as a lumberjack believing in all supernatural activity and his fear is so intense that he will become nervous the very moment one seems to be around. As a result, he is monogamously conflicted over his feelings for multiple girls and this costs him his relationship with Jasmine, the only girl that has actual feelings for him. Realizing his mistake, he overcomes his pursuits to other girls and makes multiple attempts to apologize, finally succeeding when he saves her from being tagged by the nauseated contestants, and she solidifies it with a kiss, becoming his official girlfriend.

Audition: (standing in shed) Hi, Rodney here. I just wanted to say that if you pick me, I'll be leaving behind my special lady Debbie. We haven't actually spoken yet, but the second we do I know it's going to be love. Same goes for Rachel, Alicia, Tammy... (cut to another scene) Christine, Becky, Mary Lou, Mary Jane... (cut to another scene) and there's that girl from the store. I think it was a girl. It could've been a mannequin. But one thing's for sure, its true love! (cut to end scene) You're probably worried that I'll meet some new gal on the island but (chuckles) what are chances of that happening?

* * *

Shawn (The Hipster)- An unconventional hipster, Shawn believes everything outside the social mainstream is boring and uninteresting, and tends to be unmotivated and lazy. As a result, he is not the greatest asset in challenges and would abandon his team out of boredom. True to his subculture, he is only into independent music labels and substantial knowledge, wears vintage clothes, and ignorant of others' opinions about him. However, the only known thing outside of his hipster character is his intense fear of zombies, a fact that embarrasses him greatly.

Audition: (sitting at coffee shop table reading book) (turns to camera) (sarcastically) Oh, I'm sorry, are you recording this in such a boring time? (cameraman about to say something) Don't care about what you're gonna say, it's just like how everything's super LAME and soooo overrated. Just like this audition tape for Total Drama where I intend to tell you all how after four seasons of dangerous stuff happening there, it's really gone out of being the same old thing. In my world, I'm all about being nothing SPECIAL, and if you are, you're out of your mind. (closes book) Feel free to join me as if I care, it's just money you're risking for and all. (stands up and walks away)

* * *

Leonard (The Role-Playing Wizard)- A live action role playing geek, Leonard believes he is a real wizard and has magic powers. He is very passionate about his wizardry and persists on his "spells" no matter how ineffective they seem. Despite being extremely useless, Leonard is surprisingly charismatic and takes the leadership role of his team, but his mind is never in the right place at appropriate times.

Audition: What would make me a good contestant? Well, I battle armies of vampires and demons, the darkest mountains of Ravenscroft, and I defeated them all with my- (cellphone rings) (talking on phone) Hello? Oh! Hey, Timmy. Nah, I can't, making a video. Ah, it's just someone stole my unicycle. Yes, I'm vewy sewious! What?! But it's raining. (chuckles) Nooo, I'm not made of paperrr. But my cape is.

* * *

Beardo (The Human Soundboard)- Quite skilled at sound production, Beardo is a sound-effects master. While friendly and shy, he prefers to focus more on making noises than contributing in challenges until he becomes comfortable around someone. Although he is usually silent like B, he speaks much more.

Audition: (beatboxing) Hello…my name is Bee-air-do. I. Am pretty shy. And until I warm up to you. People I tend to. Just make noises and be generally bothersome. I hope that if I am selected, my. Team can see past that and give me a chance to show them. What a great guy. I. Truly am. Thank you.

* * *

Amy (The Bad Twin)- The main antagonist of Total Drama: Pahkitew Island, Amy is snarky, aggressive, impatient, and will take advantage of anyone if she finds the opportunity. She considers herself to be far more superior over everyone else, including her own twin sister, Samey. Despite being the strategist of her team and more willing to help them win in her favor, Amy frequently takes credit for their own plans and other accomplishments and constantly clashes with Jasmine for the leadership role. She also refuses to take responsibility over her own failures, placing the blame on someone else whenever something goes amiss and viewing them inferior. Eventually, she is forced to fend for herself after Jasmine turns everyone against her, but succeeds in not only getting Samey cheated out in the place of herself but also fooling everyone to believe she is her twin. She has even gone as far as threatening to kill the other contestants just for the million dollars.

Audition: (smirking) I just saw Samey's pathetic audition tape for Total Drama, so I've decided to submit my own. Because oh my gag, who would pick her or anyone else over me?! I was born first, and Samey has been coming in last ever since, just like everybody else! My bags are already packed, just send the limo.

* * *

Samey (The Good Twin)- The sweet, friendly and bubbly twin sister of Amy, Samey easily gets along with everyone unlike her twin. She is completely oblivious to her sister's cruel treatment towards people, and signed up for Total Drama to grow closer to her, but later faces difficulty when Amy becomes much wicked as the season progresses. Charismatic to a fault, Samey is a natural team player and strives to see the best in people and can be encouraging and will give advice to those who require it. A true white knight who plays by the book with a strong sense of good sportsmanship to match, she is considered to be her sister's foil and is firmly against anyone exhibiting foul play and does not tolerate cheaters, especially when Amy cheats her out to save herself from elimination. As a result, she even goes to the point of swimming back to the island to expose Amy for her deception. However, in the finale, she had reconciled with Amy and the two work together to deliver payback for the finalists' cheating, though only Samey feels concerned for their safety.

Audition: (sitting on bed) (happy) Hi! I'm Sammy, NOT Samey. (shrugs) Well, at least that's how my parents pronounced it, so I guess everybody pretty much calls me Samey. I mean, guess it spells in my name, right? (chuckles) Anyway me and my sister Amy, we get along pretty well, I think. And I'm really confident, cause of my sister and- (Amy: SAMEY! GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!) (nervous) Uhh, gotta go! (chuckles) (excited) Pick me-e!

* * *

Scarlett (The Bookworm Assistant)- A highly intelligent individual, with a shy yet enigmatic behavior. When she does speak, she tends to transcend into being very talkative and her extensive vocabulary has a habit of confusing her teammates, so she is usually required to simplify her suggestions. Although she has a polite exterior and a well-intentioned nature, Scarlett is also shown to be very crafty, and can easily manipulate other people with her superior brain power. After the merge, she goes as far to resort to cheating, despite playing fair most of the season. Though she is doing this as a desperate attempt to achieve her goal of becoming a great scholar, Scarlett however does feel guilty about it and considers calling off her cheating and split the money with the other contestants. Thanks to this, she is eventually able to put her friendships in front of her education at the end of the game.

Audition: (happy) Greetings. My parents named me Scarlett. A name derived from the English surname with the occupational meaning, referring to a person who sells cloth. Personally, I have higher expectations for myself. The one million dollar prize would ensure that I am able to attend any university at my choosing. And I should add that while the Total Drama series is "statistically popular", I believe it is directly responsible for the troubled behavior of today's youth. I thank the selection community for their time. (bows) That is all.

* * *

Max (The Not-So-Super Villain)- Obsessed with being the most diabolical mind Total Drama has ever seen, Max is constantly boasting about being the personification of the word "evil." In reality, however, he is a very incompetent, pathetic excuse of a villain, and usually causes more trouble for himself then he does for others. This lack of acknowledgment leads to him sabotaging his team during the second challenge, but it backfires onto himself as he becomes the first of his team to be eliminated.

Audition: I feel being a contestant on Total Drama would be a great step towards TAKING OVER THE WORLD! BUAHAHAHA! And also meeting people, (nervous) I don't get out much. But I should warn you, (dramatically) I am evil. I know right now you're probably saying, (mockingly) "We've got plenty of evil on our show." (dramatically) To that, I say NAY. You have never seen EVIL like me. I am beyond EVIL, we need a new word for the EVIL that I am. (worried) I've been working on that, but with my French horn lessons and babysitting, there's just no time.

* * *

Topher (The Uber-Chris Fan)- As a huge Chris McLean fan, Topher frequently goes out of his way to try to talk to Chris, which usually causes him to not be very much help for his team. Just like Chris, Topher can be quite arrogant and frequently admires himself. He joins the show not to only win the prize money, but to be exactly like Chris, even to the point of the suggestion of getting plastic surgery to look like him. He is very obsessive in this endeavor and frequently becoming disturbing even to Chris himself.

Audition: (adjusts camera) (leans back on chair, proud) Topher here, a lot of people told me I feel like a Chris McLean. (sits up) In fact, he's my hero and (excited) I HOPE TO BE LIKE HIM! And I just love the way he does his job. (on megaphone) HEY, HEY! MORNING CAMPERS, TIME TO EAT PAIN! (chuckles) (normal tone) I don't care about the money, I just wanted a chance to meet Chris in person to say WELCOME TO TOTAL, DRAMA- (cat attacks Topher) AAAHHH! NO! BAD CHEF! AAGH!


	2. So, Uh This Is My Team? (with opening)

**I don't own Total Drama** and its characters. Total Drama belongs to Tom McGillis and Fresh TV.

Opening

Equipment appears all over island, camera speeds pass Topher with arm around Chris.

_Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine._

Chris pushes Topher off, camera speeds to edge of cliff.

_You guys are on my mind._

Camera falls to ground, crashes in pile of leaves.

_You asked me what I wanted to be_

Scene shifts to Samey picking berries into bucket.

_And now I think the answer is plain to see._

Amy comes up sneaking and dumps another bucket on Samey's head, runs away smirking. Samey frowns confused.

_I wanna be famous._

Scene shifts to Shawn lying back on rock listening to music, scuba bear tries to swipe at him, Shawn calmly sits up, scuba bear misses, Shawn walks off not noticing, scuba bear gives chase.

_I wanna live close to the sun._

Scene shifts to Sugar and several animals listening to Ella singing. Annoyed, Sugar pushes Ella down the cliff, causing the animals to attack Sugar.

_Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won._

Scene shifts to Jasmine and Rodney sitting on same tree branch holding hands while staring lovingly at each other, Sky pops out of tree hole with binoculars searching for prey, all three watching Ella carried down by birds.

_Everything to prove, nothing in my way_

Ella lands safely, turns around, and sees Dave.

_I'll get there one day._

Scene shifts to Dave being irritated by Beardo making sound effects and Leonard dramatically "casting" a spell.

_Cause, I wanna be famous!_

Camera turns to Scarlett watching as Max laughs evilly and activates a robot. The robot malfunctions and begins to short circuit, Max falls to floor for cover, while Scarlett opens up an umbrella to protect herself from the sparks, smirking. Robot explodes.

_Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!_

Debris hits uncovered panel on tree, island goes haywire

_I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Topher moves camera over to him, smiling, applies black hair dye, rubs mud around mouth to form five o' clock shadow, poses then drenched by water above, looks up from shock.

_I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous_

Camera moves up to Chris and Chef with bucket smirking, zooms in to sky turning dark, shifts to bonfire ceremony, Jasmine and Rodney lean to kiss, Chris pops up and scares Rodney away with flashlight face

(_Whistling in tune_)

Camera slowly zooms out to Pimâpotew Kinosewak and Waneyihtam Maskwak whistling while Jasmine stares at camera awkwardly.

* * *

So, Uh This Is My Team?

The new season of Total Drama begins with fourteen new contestants (Sky, Dave, Ella, Jasmine, Max, Scarlett, Topher, Leonard, Beardo, Shawn, Rodney, Amy, Samey, and Sugar) arriving to a new island and finding out it's much tougher than the previous. They are placed on two teams (Pimâpotew Kinosewak and Waneyihtam Maskwak), and the race to win starts as they have to build their new homes. Beardo's annoying ability and unhelpful tendencies end up getting him sent flying.

* * *

(Total Drama blimp)

Ella: (humming)

Sky: (pulls out gum) (turns to Max mischievously) Heeey, want some guuuum?

Max: Your offer of simple confectionery will not save you from (dramatically) the pure evil of me! (polite) But yes, thank you. (takes and chews gum, cringes, and spits out gum) (dramatically) Cinnamon! There is no need for you to be that spicy.

Sky: (laughs) GOTCHA! What's the matter? Can't handle the spice?! YEEAAAAAHH! (flips to rafter) WHOO-HOO! He's totally off kilter!

Dave: (annoyed) That girl's a little weird.

Leonard: (waving stick) Experiamus! I know many spells to thwart out evil.

Dave: (confused) Um, okay?

Ella: (happy) And there's nothing that can't be made sweeter with a song. (sings and dances across contestants)

Beardo: (beatboxes) (high-pitched) Song!

Amy: (disgusted) Ugh! (serious) Okay, switch seats with me, right now!

Samey: Uhh, (happy) okay!

(Amy and Samey switch seats)

Amy: (sees Jasmine) (scared) (gasps) GIANT!

Jasmine: (frowns) (Southern accent) Are you and I gonna be having a problem? Huh?!

Amy: (panics) (pulls Samey) Okay, changed my mind, switch back, now!

Samey: (confused) Huh?

Topher: (searching for Chris) Chris? Yo, Chris? (chuckles) What the, I don't get it! Chris! Chris has gotta be here somewhere! Anyone seen Chris? (To Sugar) You seen Chris?

Sugar: (angry) (pins Topher) (British accent) Stop your fidgeting! You step on my pageant shoes and I'm going to personally toss you out the window! You'll be squished flatter in two minutes! You got that?!

Scarlett: (walks up to Sugar and Topher) Actually, in the first fourteen seconds he would fall eighteen hundred feet, but then he'd lose terminal velocity and drop seventy-six feet per second, so if we're flying at the recommended thirty-two thousand feet, he would hit the ground in three minutes six seconds…

Rodney: (watching Scarlett) (amazed) Wow. (to Shawn listening to music) That girl has some real brains, huh? (Shawn doesn't notice) (frowns) Uh, hey. (taps Shawn's shoulder)

Shawn: (notices and takes off headphones) (sarcastically) Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me?

Rodney: Uh, yeah, I said-

Shawn: (dismissal hand wave) Don't care about your tree-chopping stories, lumberjack. Your kind are all sooo 1920s boriiing. No one is getting my brains on how lumberjacks are too stupid to realize that they are deforesting the world. (puts headphones back on)

(Thunder crashing)

Chef: (on intercom) Hang on! This might get hairy!

(Blimp rumbling)

Contestants: (panics)

Ella: (crawling on floor, panicking) (singing)

(Chris appears in flash)

Chris: (smirks) Hello, newbies! Ready for some fun?

Topher and Ella: (excited) Yes!

Chris: (annoyed) Huh. A couple of keeners. I'm sure a little pain and starvation will fix that. (happy) Let's get started. This aircraft stinks and is equipped with two emergency exits, here and at the end of the cabin. At said exits, you will find parachute packs. (knocks on box) Only half of them contain actual parachutes, the other half contain surprises which will be utterly useless while falling from the sky.

Sky: (hanging from rafters) (laughs) Like we ever need them!

Chris: (shrugs) Who knows? This season is full of surprises. (pulls out remote) Like this! (blows up engine)

Contestants: (scream and run around grabbing parachutes) (jump out of blimp)

Topher: (excited) THIS IS SO GREAT! (laughs) You've really outdone yourself, Chris! (chuckles and offers parachute) Parachute?

Chris: Oh, no thank you, I'm actually a hologram.

Chef: (panics) What?! Why ain't I a hologram?! (touches through hologram, gasps) ABANDON SHIP! (grabs parachute from Topher, jumps out of blimp)

Topher: (impressed) Nice anticipation!

Chris: Thank you.

(Topher jumps out of blimp)

(Contestants and Chef falling)

Jasmine: The good-old koala once said, cluck to the platypus for luck! (opens parachute)

Beardo: (fail/chicken parachute) WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH.

Samey: (holding Amy's legs) AAAHHH!

Amy: (opens parachute) (relieved) YES! (turns to Samey) (annoyed) Um, what do you think you're doing? You have your OWN parachute, right? USE IT! (kicks Samey off)

Samey: (opens parachute) (happy) ALRIGHT! Thanks Amy!

Amy: (annoyed) Whatever!

Sky: (fail/cat parachute) (excited) (gasps) (tries to catch cat) (whining) OH! DARN! I missed my prey! (crosses arms and pouts) That's just PURR-FECT! (laughs) I made a funny!

Sugar: (fail/tiara parachute) (puts on tiara) (happy) Oh, thank you! I haven't prepared to make a speech but (pulls out paper) I'm so glad to be crowned the- (Dave smacks face into paper) HEY!

Dave: (fail/feather parachute) (confused) Feathers? (disgusted) EEEWWW! Have these things even been washed? And worst of all, unorganized! Seriously?!

Topher: (opens parachute) (excited) YES! Chris is definitely MY hero!

Leonard: (fail/tambourine parachute) (pulls out book) Time to cast a spell! Hmm, wings? Uh, page 318.

Chef: (fail/food parachute) (annoyed) Oh, that's just wrong!

Rodney: (opens parachute) (happy) Alright!

Ella: (fail/teddy parachute) (happy) (gasps) Fly safe, little bear! (grabs tambourine) (bird rests on finger) Hello, friend, care for a song? (bird chirps in approval) (plays tambourine and sings) I'm falling on a sunny, sunny day! Hit the ground, I just may!

Scarlett: (opens parachute)

Shawn: (fail/hotdog parachute) Hotdogs? (deadpan) Meh, original. I'd grab one but HELLO, they would all unsurprisingly be the same as everything else.

Jasmine: (catches Shawn then Leonard)

Leonard: (excited) Hey-hey! My spell worked!

(Contestants about to crash)

Shawn: (looks at Jasmine) (sarcastically) You know, it's surprising that a girl like you would be that tall, usually guys are much taller than girls so I'd say you're a FREAK.

Jasmine: (angry) OH, YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT TO ME! (throws Shawn)

Shawn: (deadpan) Meh, whatever. (crashes into rock) URGH! OWW!

Chris: (watching with binoculars) And here they come now!

(Beardo, Dave, Sugar, and Chef crash into water)

(Jasmine with Leonard, and Samey land safely)

Samey: (happy) O-M-G! I DID IT!

Amy: (calls out) Break my fall!

Samey: (confused) Huh? (Amy lands on Samey) OW!

Amy: (sarcastically) Oops, sorry.

Samey: (happy) (muffled) No worries!

Sky: (smirks) Feel the power of the swan! (slides on tree, flips, and swan dives into water) (pumps arm) YEAH!

(Topher, Scarlett, Rodney, and Ella land safely)

Ella: (happy) (to bird) Thank you, my feathered friend!

Chris: (shocked) H-how did-

Chef: (annoyed) You could've at least given me one of the parachutes!

Chris: (smirks) Should've, could've, (shrugs) but didn't. But you're right, and I forgive you. (turns to contestants) Let's see… (counting contestants) Huh, only one missing. Not so bad.

Max: (dangling from tree) If you do not release me tree, evil will burn you to the- (falls out of tree)

* * *

Chris: Welcome to Pahkitew Island. On the right, everyone who has actual parachutes. Scarlett, Topher, Rodney, Jasmine, Max, Amy, and Samey.

Samey: (happy) Um, actually it's pronounced "Sammy".

Chris: (sarcastically) Oh, really? Cause from what I've heard, Amy says everyone calls you "Samey" just like how the name spells. That right?

Samey: Well, yeah I know how it spells, but-

Chris: Already got a Sammy Sam here last time so that name suits you better, isn't it? And rhymes with "Amy", if you will.

Samey: But, my parents pronounced it-

Chris: (irritated) Too bad! You're officially "Samey" and that's final! Now stop whining about it, or you're disqualified for copyright infringement!

* * *

(Confessional)

Samey: (disappointed) Okay, so not fair. (cheers up) But I've got to admit, my name is spelled that way, so no one besides my parents had ever pronounced it right. Anyways, I auditioned for Total Drama because Amy was going to. We haven't spent much time together lately so I hope we become the best of friends by the end of the season!

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: Your team will be (reads card) the Pimâpotew Kinosewak, which is Cree for Soaring Eagles!

Sky: NOPE, WRONG! It's the Floating Salmon! (proud) AND I should know since I grew up in an actual Cree forest!

Chris: Oh, (chuckles) then I guess you're the Floating Salmon. Those without chutes. Shawn, Leonard, Ella, Dave, Beardo, Sky, and Sugar. Your team is the Waneyihtem Maskwak, which in Cree means Ferocious T-

Sky: (excited) CONFUSED BEARS! YEAH!

Chris: (rips card) (annoyed) This is what you get for using a free online translator!

Chef: My bad. (Walks away)

Chris: Anywho, seeing as there's nowhere for any of you to sleep every night, we figured your first challenge should be…to build your own shelter. (walks away)

Sugar: (pouting) Oh, muffin tops! I'm too tired for that! (sits down on rock)

Beardo: (fart sound)

(Team Maskwak shocked)

Sugar: (shocked) THAT was NOT ME! The pageant queen never farts unless it is her talent! Or more to it, maybe she'd play a-

Chris: (whistles) (annoyed) HEY, FART MONSTER! (on top of debris) YEAH, I WAS TALKING! Each team may take supplies from the common area before they begin to build. But, these supplies are guarded by Chef, armed with a tennis ball blaster! (jumps down) A glancing blow will sting!

Dave: (hit in forehead by tennis ball) OW! (rubs forehead) (irritated) What's your problem?!

Chris: And a direct hit can take you right to the ground.

Max: (hit in leg by tennis ball) AGH! (falls to ground)

Chris: Will someone please help that little boy to his feet?

(Rodney helps up Max, Max falls down again)

Chris: (shrugs) Good enough. On with the challenge. Team Maskwak will build their shelter further in there. Team Kinosewak towards the beach. And the best shelter according to ME, wins the challenge. (air horn) Begin!

(Chef begins shooting at contestants)

Dave: (serious) Bears, follow me! (Team Maskwak retreats)

Jasmine: Let's move now, Salmons! (Team Kinosewak retreats)

(Team Kinosewak popping out from bushes)

Jasmine and Rodney: Alright, here's the pla- (look at each other) (confused) What do you think you're- Can you listen for a second?

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: Back in the forest, it was just me, my dad, and my five little brothers. (proud) I'm kind of used to being in charge.

(Confessional)

Jasmine: Sure, where I'm from, it's always the little guys scared by my stature and stuff, and by "little guys", I meant the cows in the ranch. (smiles and blushes) And some cute non-cow guys too. (serious) But it don't mean I'm gonna let him lead just cause I like him.

(End confessional)

* * *

Jasmine: (serious) (grabs Rodney) Just listen here, alrighty? (Rodney fantasizes Jasmine) We need to decide what stuff out there are real important, and make sure we get 'em, got it?

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (dreamingly) We'll do it her way. It's never wrong to let love be your guide.

(End confessional)

* * *

Jasmine: And that's how we'll win. Cool?

Rodney: (dreamingly) (mumbling) With a plan that, flowers you, and sunsets that aren't true- (puckers lips)

Jasmine: (disturbed) (blushes) Um, o-kay then.

* * *

(Team Maskwak hiding behind rocks)

Dave: (turns to team Maskwak) (serious) Okay, first we-

Sky: (excited) YEAH! Let's listen to this guy! Totally agree with you!

Dave: (confused) O-kay.

* * *

Jasmine: The wood is a most important thing out there, so- (Scarlett raises her hand) If y'all got something to say, Scarlett, just bark it out.

Scarlett: Um, no, but the wheelbarrow is more important than the wood, because it's a class two lever and with the wheel acting as a fulcrum-

Amy: So that means-

Amy and Samey: We can carry stuff in it!

(Amy glares at Samey)

Samey: (embarrassed) Oh! Sorry, Amy! (chuckles sheepishly)

Jasmine: (happy) Mighty fine thinking, twins! You two help Rodney load the wood in the wheelbarrow and go.

Rodney: (dreamingly) Heavy is my heart-

Amy: (annoyed) (yanks Rodney's cheek) Let's go, loverboy! (walks into field dragging Rodney)

* * *

(Shawn walks into field, unfazed being hit by tennis balls, simply grabs a can of soup and walks back to team Maskwak)

Sky: (excited) YEAH! Nice endurance, Shawn!

* * *

(Confessional)

Shawn: (deadpan) Yeeaahh, don't really care for any of that mess, just want to get it over with and done. (looks at soup) Cream of broccoli? (shrugs) Meh, whatevs.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Amy hiding behind and holding Samey in place)

Samey: (hit by tennis balls) AGH! AGH! AAAGH!

Amy: (annoyed) Stop screaming! You're making us sound weak!

(Rodney tosses wood in wheelbarrow, scoops up Amy and Samey, runs back to team)

Jasmine: I'm a going for the rope, YEE-HAW! (jumps into field)

* * *

(Confessional)

Topher: (proud) I'll bring my face!

(End confessional)

* * *

Dave: (annoyed) Seriously? Soup? You grabbed soup?! You can't build a house out of soup!

Shawn: (shrugs) Hey, don't blame me, you didn't say we had to grab building materials.

Dave: (irritated) I DID! (face-palms) Didn't you listen?!

Leonard: I once built a castle using nothing but a sunflower and an eyelash of a dragon.

Sugar: (happy) There is no way we can lose, we've got a wizard on our team!

(Chef's blaster malfunctions)

Topher: (to Chris) H-h-hey Chris! You'd be going to commercial soon, right?

Chris: (confused) Um, yeah. Why do you ask, Topher?

Topher: (excited) Well, it's always been a dream of mine to see my GREATEST HERO IN PERSON! (Chris grins) I've looked up to you my ENTIRE LIFE!

(Chef rolls eyes)

Chris: (impressed) Well, who am I to deny the dreams of such an intelligent young man?! Pardon me a moment, building supplies are BIG collecting. Team Kinosewak is doing a very WOOD job! But Team Maskwak is looking kind of…SOUP-PID. You don't wanna miss any of it here on Total, Drama, Pahkitew Island!

Topher: (excited) Bravo! Bravo! Encore!

Chris: (amused) I like this kid.

* * *

Chris: We're back! The players are moving, Chef is shooting, pick your favorite team, and let's start a rooting!

Topher: (laughs) So funny! Love your jokes.

Chris: Thank you, but now it's time to get YOU back in the challenge! (pushes Topher to Chef)

Topher: (excited) Yeah! I'm already psyched for- (Chef throws Topher into field) (screams) (lands in front of Jasmine) (Jasmine retreats) (hit by tennis balls)

Ella: (dancing in field, surrounded by two birds) (sings) When a house is a home and a home is a house. This is not a dress, it's a skirt and a blouse.

Chris: (confused) Is she singing?

* * *

(Confessional)

Ella: (surrounded by animals) I was a HUGE fan of Total Drama World Tour, and just because we don't have to sing anymore doesn't mean we can't.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Birds hit by tennis balls)

Ella: (happy) Good news! (holds up bucket) I've found a bucket of glitter!

Leonard: Marvelous!

Dave: (annoyed) Um, no, not marvelous! Glitter?! Seriously?! Is she out of her mind?!

Sugar: (frowns) Oh, she must be! Because it's obvious that the glitter should be MINE!

Dave: (disbelief) What?!

Sky: (excited) YEAH! Okay Dave, draw Chef's fire while Beardo makes a run for it! (grabs Dave)

Beardo: (thumbs up, wrestling bell sound)

Dave: (panics) WAIT! THAT'S NOT THE PLA- (Sky pushes Dave into field) (nervously) Um, hey there? (dodges tennis balls) Whoa! Hey! Oh!

Sky: (excited) Okay Beardo, CHAARRGE!

Beardo: (Million Dollar Man sound effect) (charges in slow motion)

Dave: (annoyed) Okay, why are you running in slow motion?!

(Tennis ball hits Beardo in groin)

Beardo: (grimaces) (falls over covering groin)

Sugar: (searching in debris) Oh, come now! (hold ups small television) Isn't there another bucket of glitter somewhere in this mess?! (hit in cheek by tennis ball, television drops on her head) OW!

Chris and Chef: (laughing and high five)

(Scarlett runs with wagon carrying supplies and Max)

Max: Move faster, minion, before we- (hit in nose by tennis ball) AGH!

Dave: (exhausted) (groans)

Leonard: (jumps into field) (dramatically) This foe is beyond you. Fly, you fool!

Dave: (confused) Um, okay? (Crawls away)

Leonard: (grabs pipe) (dramatically) Go back to the shadows of Wawanakwa! YOU SHALL NOT PA-(repeatedly hit by tennis balls)

Dave: (retreating to Sky) (serious) Okay Sky, hear me out! We need to-

Sky: (runs into field) (smirking) The power of the crane strikes back! (front handspring and grabs board) HI-YAH! (swings tennis ball into Chef's eye) ALL RIGHT, BULLSEYE! YEAAHHH! (flips repeatedly)

(Chef wakes up)

Chris: (impressed) (to Chef) Wow, girl's got some skills, does she? (amused) Probably the new Izzy too, know what I mean?

(Both teams searching debris)

Chris: (air horn) IT'S BUILDING TIME! (to Chef) You coming or get paid for half the episode? (walks off laughing)

Chef: (follows Chris) (groaning)

* * *

(Max walking to cave)

Max: An evil genius needs an evil lair to do his work. (gasps) This cave will be perfect! (laughs manically, squeaks) Hmm, try that again. (laughs manically, squeaks) (exhales) It's not important. (runs inside cave) TO MY LAIR! (runs out screaming) (bats come out of cave)

* * *

(Confessional)

Max: (scared) It was very dark in there, so I prefer something less spooky. (calms down) Not to worry, no rush, (dramatically) plenty of time to evil!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Kinosewak building shelter)

Jasmine: Scarlett and Topher, clear the boards. Rodney, help me with those there support beams. Amy and Samey, faster!

Amy: (annoyed) Um, who died and put you in charge? Oohh, I get it! You're trying to sabotage us by making us do ALL the work while YOU sit around and ditch us. Obviously, just because you're so tall doesn't mean none of us wanted to argue with the wannabe most threatening on the island, so why don't you stop being all lazy and help?

(Team Kinosewak stop and stare at Jasmine)

Samey: She has a point, Jasmine.

Jasmine: (annoyed) (sighs) Alright, fine then!

Beardo: (making jackhammer sound effect)

Amy: Um, what was that?

Samey: Sounds like they're building something big.

Jasmine: (scowls) All more reason to keep working hard.

Beardo: (jackhammer noise)

Dave: (covering ears) (irritated) WOULD YOU STOP MAKING THOSE SOUND EFFECTS ALREADY?!

Beardo: (truck backing up sound)

Shawn: (deadpan) So, uh, what're we gonna build?

Dave: (annoyed) We have rope, straw, a hammer.

Ella: (holds out bucket) (happy) Some very pretty glitter.

Sky: (holds out soup can) (smirks) And SOUP, YUM!

Leonard: We shall build a wizard's tower!

Sky: (excited) Yeah! That's the greatest idea I've heard since like ever! (raises hand in approval) I second that!

Sugar: (raises hand in approval) Wizard says, Sugar does.

Shawn: (deadpan) Meh, whatever you say. (raises hand in approval)

Beardo: (slump and bell sound) (raises hand in approval)

Sugar: Five votes for wizard tower!

Dave: (disbelief) What?! (serious) N-No! NO! We're not going to-

Ella: (happy) Dave, it's okay. It is better than building nothing, right?

Sky: (excited) Yeah! So what do we do first Leonard?

Leonard: First, we link arms and chant!

Team Maskwak (except Dave): (cheers)

Dave: (annoyed) Seriously?!

* * *

(Team Kinosewak finishing treehouse)

Jasmine: (hammers in last nail) There. Done!

Chris: (flies over treehouse) This is nice! And a smart move building it above ground level!

Max: (sarcastically) Oh yeah? And why is that?

(Rumbling)

Jasmine: Whoa, now! (falls off roof) AAHH! (Rodney catches her, grinning love-struck at confused Jasmine)

Chris: Here comes your answer!

Max: (screaming) (trampled by herd of moose)

Chris: This island is way wilder than the last one! (laughs)

(Team Maskwak finishing tower)

Beardo: (fanfare sound)

Dave: (annoyed) Ugh! ZIP IT!

Beardo: (record skip)

Dave: Well, this is horrible.

Leonard: But it's not done yet! Ella?

Sugar: (scowls) (takes bucket) Leave this to the perfectionals! (throws glitter at tower)

Dave: (turns to see Shawn leaving) Huh? (annoyed) Okay, where's Shawn going?!

* * *

(Confessional)

Shawn: (bored) This challenge is an obvious total FAIL so I took a walk around, big deal. Wish I had my cellphone with me so this show wouldn't become more boring than it already has.

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: (flying over team Maskwak) So Team Maskwak, wizard's tower huh?

Dave: (annoyed) (groans)

Chris: But, is it moose-proof? (Chuckles)

Sky: (confused) (calls out) SAY WHAT, NOW?!

(Moose herd appears and chase team Maskwak, Leonard falls to floor)

Beardo: (alarm sounds) (jumps into bushes)

Leonard: (stands up) Huzzah! (proud) The beasts of Pahkitew are not match for (pats tower) my wizard's tower! (tower begins collapsing) (dramatically) FORCE FIELD! (tower collapses around Leonard) (happy) It worked!

* * *

(Team meeting)

Chris: I like to say it was a hard decision, but let's keep it real. Team Pimâpotew Kinosewak wins the challenge!

Team Kinosewak (except Max): (cheering)

Max: No. Evil does not high-five.

Chris: And the winners of each challenge will be rewarded this season with a takeout order from its sponsoring restaurant. This week, it's (pulls out dinner) The Petting Zoo Barbeque, someone else touched your dinner, we guarantee it! (winks)

Sugar: (pouting) Oh, shoot. I always wanted a pony.

Chris: Team Waneyihtem Maskwak, please go vote! One member of your team is heading home today.

(Team Maskwak groans)

* * *

(Bonfire ceremony)

Chris: Welcome to the Pahkitew Island elimination area. This is where we determine who stays to play another day, and who gets a one-way ticket home.

* * *

(Confessional)

Dave: (deadpan) Can I vote for FOUR people, specifically the one called "The Wild Sky"?

(Confessional)

Leonard: (upset) I don't get it! How can a wizard's tower NOT WIN?!

(Confessional)

Beardo: (racecar sound) (racecar screeching and crashing sound) (falls down)

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: The votes are in. If I hand you a marshmallow, you're safe. (tosses marshmallows) Sky...

Sky: (excited) YES! (eats marshmallow savagely)

Chris: Shawn, Dave, Ella, and Sugar, (Sugar catches marshmallow in mouth) you're all safe. Beardo, you did very little to help your team with your random sound effects and tried to convince us Sugar farted!

(Sugar glares at Beardo)

Beardo: (whinnying sound)

Chris: Leonard, you took your pathetic role-playing too far, and you convinced your team to build something very, very, stupid.

Leonard: (waves stick) (sad) Alicus Forgetticus.

Chris: (annoyed) Uh, yeah! Okay! The last marshmallow goes to… (dramatic music) Leonard.

Leonard: (happy) Hah-hah! Marvelous!

Beardo: (sad) (PacMan dying sound)

Dave: (relieved) Heh, game over.

Chris: This island is named Pahkitew, which is the Cree word for-

Sky: (excited) EXPLODING! YEAH!

Chris: (annoyed) Riiight, so we thought it's fitting that this season's mode of transportation home should be something with a bang!

(Cannon of shame: Beardo)

Chris: Without further ado, I give you… (Chef reveals cannon of shame) the cannon of shame!

Team Maskwak (except Beardo): (gasps)

Chris: Any last words?

Beardo: (inside cannon) (loading cartridge sound)

Chris: So long, Beardo.

Beardo: (explosion whistle sound)

Chris: (annoyed) Ugh! Enough already!

(Fires Beardo)

Beardo: IT WAS NICE MEETING ALL OF YOUUUUU!

Chris: You know something? I already don't miss him! (laughs) That's one down, and thirteen to go! Who's going to be the next cannonball? Tune in to find out here, on TOTAL, DRAMA, PAHKITEW ISLAND!

* * *

**Note**: Sugar (voiced by Katie Bergin)

Jasmine (voiced by Rochelle Wilson)


	3. Mo Monkey Mo Problems

2\. Mo Monkey Mo Problems

With thirteen contestants remaining, Chris initiates a monkey scavenger hunt, where each team has to find a golden coin and insert it into a vending machine before the other. Sugar continues to hate on Ella, while she and Sky additionally begin to dote on Dave, while Max purposely gets his own team caught in one of his traps as payback for not taking his "evil nature" seriously. In the end, he realizes his mistake too late as he is the next to be eliminated.

* * *

(Team Kinosewak's treehouse)

Jasmine: (wakes up) (yawns) (jumps down tree)

Amy: (annoyed) Um, what are you doing?

Jasmine: Going to forage some food for my team, better keep our heads up and about!

Amy: (confused) Foraging? Isn't that dangerous?

Jasmine: Eh, I been through worse, raised in the outback ranch and all that stuff.

Amy: O-kay… want some help?

Jasmine: Al-righty then!

Samey: (happy) Can I come too?

Jasmine: Sure, the more the-

Amy: (scoffs) No! You're staying right here to wake up everybody inside, since they're like, all lazy slackers.

Jasmine: (serious) HEY! She can come if she wants now, ALRIGHT?!

Samey: (pondering) Um actually, I guess it's okay, though, (happy) you two have fun getting the food!

Amy: Good! I'm way smarter than all those dimwits on the team, anyways.

* * *

(Confessional)

Amy: After I was born, I had to wait SEVENTEEN minutes for mom and the doctor to get Samey out. I mean, can you imagine?! If I had walked by then, I would have left without those two as they both wasted my time!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Maskwak)

Leonard: (standing on rock) It was then that I have encountered a vicious unknown beast, (Dave sitting on rock annoyed, Sky crouching on rock amazed, Shawn lying back on rock uncaring) luckily I had enough mana to banish it with a displacement spell!

Sugar: (amazed) Oh-ho-ho, Mr. Wizard, I haven't got an idea what you just said, but that's how I know you're smart.

Ella: (sings) A harrowing tale of dungeons and dice! A festering monster that just wasn't nice!

Sugar: (angry) SHUT YOUR SONG HOLE MISSY! I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO THE WIZARD!

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: Oh, Sugar is SO onto Ella's "nice little performance". She'd better watch her back, 'cause ain't nobody but ME is going to win this here pageant!

(End confessional)

* * *

Dave: (annoyed) Um, maybe instead of making up stories and-

Leonard: (jumps down) (offended) You doubt my word?! It happened!

Sky: (jumps down) (excited) YEAH! You so have a point there! Can you find us somewhere to hibernate for the winter?!

Leonard: (confused) Huh?

Shawn: (deadpan) What they mean is that they want to focus on finding a legitimate shelter, duh.

Dave: (annoyed) And THEY have a point, because we used ROCKS as pillows last night! Very UNCLEAN and UNORDERLY rocks.

Leonard: (scoffs) PUH-LEASE! I levitated all night!

Ella: (prancing past team Maskwak, singing)

(Dave face-palms)

* * *

(Confessional)

Dave: (annoyed) Am I on the right show? Or did I land on my head falling from the blimp last time? (worried) Is that it? I'm unconscious, and this is all a nightmare?! (groans in frustration) (calms down) But I guess THIS is my team, (serious) but if we don't win some challenges soon, I'll never make it to the finale! I REALLY need the money to move out and for my planned house that's always perfectly neat and orderly!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Amy and Jasmine foraging)

Jasmine: I don't get what's up with you not letting your sister foraging with us, I mean, y'all should never underestimate anyone and all that jazz.

Amy: (scoffs) (mutters) Please, like I'm weaker than anybody like you!

Jasmine: Now this is real interesting, (confused) what in tarnation is a Chinese mulberry bush doing in this part of country? (looks back to Amy)

Amy: Ugh, finally! Some real food for me! (about to eat fruit)

Jasmine: (panics) NNOOO! (throws stick at fruit, fruit pinned to a tree)

Amy: (annoyed) HEY! What's your problem?! I was about to eat that!

Jasmine: Sorry 'bout that but that there's a-

Rodney: (standing on branch) Manchineel fruit. The Spanish refer it as _manzanilla de la muerte _also known as the little apple of death! (jumps down)

Jasmine: He's all right about that, though it wouldn't have killed you, but would've made your mouth go all blistery and stuff.

Amy: (looks at blistered hand) (shocked) My hand! (scratches hand) Why is it so itchy?!

Rodney: Just calm down, first lesson in survival 101, be careful of what you eat. Lesson two, soak your hand in water, scrub it with sand, and swelling gone!

Amy: (angry) (to Jasmine) YOU did that on PURPOSE, DIDN'T YOU!

Jasmine: (defensive) What?! Hey now, that was all YOUR doing there! If you had been more careful, then y'all wouldn't have got that rash swelling up like a wicket keeper's glove! (Amy confused) You know, cricket? It's a game from Down Under, Australia? (sighs in defeat) Just go wash up, alrighty? You won't be any help with that now.

Amy: (walks away, fuming)

Jasmine: (sees Rodney's bag of fruit) (amazed) Hey there, that's a fine looking score you got there!

Rodney: Well, I'm quite the outdoorsman, raised all my life as a wood-chopping lumberjack so (proud) I pretty much know my way around the forest and all.

Jasmine: Mighty impressive, but what you doing up that there tree?

Rodney: Oh, that's where I slept. Wouldn't want to get mauled by werewolves of the night or anything if you know what I mean.

Jasmine: (impressed) Well, bust my britches! (pats Rodney's shoulder) I hear that, partner!

(Rodney blushes and grins)

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (love struck) (sighs) Isn't it great that Jasmine and I aren't so different from each other? We're basically like two birds of a feather. (worried) Wait, what if I put her in danger fighting the supernatural?! I might as well have to put out a bowl of fresh blood and a sign that says "vampires eat free"!

(Confessional)

Jasmine: (giggles) Okay, not only is that boy there is cute, but he's pretty funny too. Werewolves, where he get that kind of humor? (giggles)

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: (loudspeaker) Campers! The only good thing about this morning is…that it's gonna get worse…for you! (Laughs) There's a path leading to the team meeting. Follow it to today's suck-tacular challenge!

(Team Maskwak walking through forest)

Dave: (groans in hunger) It sure would be nice to have some food right about now.

Sky: Wait, you guys wanted food?! (happy) Why didn't you say so?! I could've foraged for you guys if you asked! (jumps up to tree, picks multiple berries, jumps down with two sacks full of berries) (proud) Ta-dah!

Dave: (impressed) Wow! Way to go, Sky!

Sky: Sure, Dave. I'd do anything… (puts berries in Dave's hand) (dreamingly) for you.

Dave: (confused) Um, okay?

Shawn: (sarcastically) Yeah, then maybe you should do ALL the foraging for the team cause that kind of stuff is waaayy too tiring.

Leonard: Yes, you'd make an excellent kitchen witch.

Sky: Okay, sure! I can do that!

* * *

(Team Kinosewak walking through forest)

Topher: Wow! Those berries sure have all the antioxidants that'll surely give Chris' skin that healthy camera-worthy glow. So glad you got them, Samey.

Amy: (angry) HEY! I got the berries, not Samey!

Samey: (happy) Whoa, it's alright, Amy, we're twins, remember? No need to worry about it, everyone will be able to tell us apart eventually, right guys?

Team Kinosewak (except Amy): (talk in agreement)

Samey: (proud) That's the spirit! AND with our diverse set of skills, I think we can win most challenges before the merge. But we have to work together, as a team! Come on! Let's do this! GO, TEAM KINOSEWAK!

Team Kinosewak (except Amy): (inspired) GO TEAM KINOSEWAK!

Amy: (looks around in annoyance) (sighs in defeat) Okay, fine. Go team Kinosewak.

* * *

(Team meeting)

Jasmine: (looks around island) Hey now, something's weird 'bout the island here, those trees yesterday are real closer together and that mountain's ain't there before.

Chris: (annoyed) And I am one hundred percent sure YOU are a few koalas short of a swarm.

Jasmine: (confused) Swarm of what? Koalas?

Sugar: (mocking) Cuckoo clock!

Chris: Today's challenge is called Snack Attack. This vending machine only takes gold coins. The first team to get their gold coin into the machine wins, and gets something to eat.

Dave: That sounds easy enough.

Chris: (smirking) I was hoping one of you would say something like that. (turns to Chef) Che-e-ef? (Chef opens box, two monkeys come out) I'm giving the coins to Alphonse and Betty here, (flicks coins to monkeys) who are now going to run away. (monkeys run off)

Sky: They're getting away!

Jasmine: Let's get 'em!

Chris: (stops teams) Stooop! Nobody move! The monkeys get a head start. Kinosewak's monkey has a blue necklace, Maskwak's monkey is in the pink one. (Sugar hogs vending machine) (annoyed) Sugar, please step away from the vending machine. (Sugar slides down)

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: (annoyed) What? You've never licked the glass off a vending machine hoping for a tasty piece of cheesy flavored nacho taco puffed stops? Live a little!

(End confessional)

* * *

Rodney: (catches and cuddles Kinosewak's monkey) Isn't he a cute little monkey?

Scarlett: (raises eyebrow) How do you know?

Rodney: Well, I just- (Kinosewak monkey climbs in Rodney's overalls)

Jasmine: The monkey's in your overalls.

Rodney: Yeah, sorry. (takes Kinosewak monkey out of overalls) It's okay little fella! I won't hurt you! (monkey tickles his side) (giggles) That's my ticklish spot!

Chris: (angry) RODNEY! This is not the time to play with the monkeys!

(Rodney sheepishly releases Kinosewak monkey, Kinosewak monkey runs off)

Sky: (whispering to team Maskwak) No worries, I've got a secret weapon. (pulls out banana)

Chris: Okay, you can go after your monkeys… riiiigght… nnnow!

(Teams chase after monkeys)

Sugar: (to vending machine) I'm going back for you. With a rock!

Chris: (annoyed) Try anything like that, and you're taking the cannon soon. Now get going, that monkey's not gonna catch itself, Sugar.

Sugar: (fuming) Ooohhh, (kicks vending machine) fine! (walks off)

Jasmine: Hurry now, y'all! That monkey could be halfway to Brisbane by now! (Rodney, Scarlett, Samey, and Topher run by Jasmine)

Amy: (annoyed) Um, didn't my sister tell you to stop trying to be the leader? Or did your brain run away from you? (walks off) No one asked YOU to be the boss.

Jasmine: (annoyed) Hey, I'm just trying to help y'all do your best and-

Max: Yes, she is correct, so I, for one, am done taking orders from you, Jas-man. (fails intimidating pose) Hee-yah!

Jasmine: (annoyed) (picks up Max) Oh, never mind! I'll do it myself. (hangs Max by his underwear on tree branch)

Max: Aagh! Evil will not be foiled by a mere wedgie! (falls off tree branch) AAAHH! (falls to ground)

Scarlett: (annoyed) Max, do you know why she doesn't fear you?

Max: Because she has a dumb face and is a stinky bad person?!

Scarlett: No, it is because you are too incompetent to be much of a threat to any of us.

Max: (offended) (gasps) How dare you!

Scarlett: True evil does not discriminate, it is evil to all, and it is evil to show how you're much willing to win this, but until then. (walks off)

Max: We will see! I shall show you all the meaning of respect! (pants fall down) (shocked)

* * *

(Confessional)

Max: Scarlett would make a great assistant to me, I mean she's hopelessly in love with me but I must remain focus on my work. Evil doesn't date. Once I show them all who the true evil is, my plan for world domination will commence! First, I will control this island, then this hemisphere, then the world! (laughs evilly) (gasps) (excited) There it is! THAT was an evil laugh!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Maskwak approach monkey in river)

Sky: (whispering) Okay Sugar, hand me the banana and I'll try and trade it for the (turns to see Sugar eat banana) coiiin-aw!

Sugar: What? You never said the banana was for the monkey tricking plan. Besides, you're better off using the element of SURPRISE! (leaps at monkey, misses, falls into river)

Maskwak monkey: (laughs) (runs past team Maskwak, climbs up tree, eats coin)

Team Maskwak: (gasps) NOOOO!

* * *

Kinosewak monkey: (jumps through bushes, loses necklace)

Jasmine: (walks through bushes, finds necklace) Hah! (picks up necklace) Losing your jewelry ain't gonna help you fella, cause I am hot on your ta- (Sees multiple monkeys up tree) NOOOOOOOO!

Max: (finishes setting trap) There! The trap is set. Once the team has the coin and comes back this way to the vending machine, they'll be all like, "Ooh we're gonna win and Max is a loser, ha-hah." And then SNAP! They'll be hoisted up into the air and be all like, "Oh, help us Max, we're losing now!" And I'll be like, "Not until you bow to my evilousity and make me your leader!" And then I will get the respect I deserve! (laughs evilly)

Scarlett: (walks through bushes) (annoyed) There you are! Come on, Max! Jasmine found the monkey! Let's go! (walks off)

Max: Oh, I'll be there in a minute! (chuckles evilly) All accordingly to my evil plan!

* * *

Sky: (about to pounce on monkey) Hold her, Dave while I get the coin!

Dave: (worried) Wait, did Chris say anything about pre-washing the monkeys, delousing them, or even not dressing them up nicely?!

(Bear appears behind team Maskwak and eats monkey)

Dave: (annoyed) Are you kidding me?! (to bear) Spit it out!

Bear: (roars at team Maskwak)

Team Maskwak (except Dave and Shawn): (screaming)

Chris: (pauses screen) If that's how it is for team Maskwak, I don't think I could BEAR it! (laughs) (Chef rolls eyes and shakes head) What? Too hilarious? Want to see how angry a bear can get? Me too! So, stay tuned to Total, Drama, Pahkitew Island!

* * *

Jasmine: (holding out necklace) (annoyed) Come on now! Which one of you has it?!

Samey: Does this mean any one of these monkeys could be our monkey?

Rodney: Kind of looks like it.

Max: HAH! (snatches necklace from Jasmine's hand) (to monkeys) Who does this belong to? SPEAK!

Monkeys: (growl and throw feces at Max)

Max: (annoyed) Ugh! They're throwing mud!

(Jasmine, Amy, Samey, and Topher disgusted)

Jasmine: (disgusted) That ain't mud.

Max: (annoyed) Well of course it's mud, what else could it… (realizes it's feces) (disgusted) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

* * *

(Confessional)

Max: (cringes in disgust)

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Maskwak with bear)

Bear: (belches)

Ella: (worried) How will we solve this, friends?

Shawn: (deadpan) It's a coin, wrapped around a monkey, trapped in a bear, might be impossible.

Leonard: But we can get it back, nothing's impossible for the work of magic. (proud) Step aside! (approaches bear)

Dave: (annoyed) Seriously? Are you crazy or something?!

Sugar: (happy) Whoo! You go, mister wizard! Show your magic! I'd like to see that!

Leonard: (poses) (dramatically) Savage bear, spew out, the monkey and the coin now! (bear grabs Leonard) Whoa! (shocked) I don't get it! It should've worked!

Dave: (frustrated) Ugh! Great! Anyone with another idea?

Sugar: Well, we could try some bran muffins and some bad cabbage.

Sky: (happy) Well, yeah it could work.

Dave: Eww! No, look, the coin is in there, right? So let's just bring Chris the whole bear. (bear becomes shocked)

Team Maskwak: (shocked) (gasps)

* * *

(Confessional)

Sky: (excited) OH MY GOSH! That's an awesome idea! (laughs) I've been wanting to be at the top of the food chain! Dave's plan to bring the bear to Chris is SO COOL! AND as his potential girlfriend, I know how it is!

(End confessional)

* * *

Sky: (happy) This is an awesome, awesome plan! I'm so not afraid of the bear! Let's do this, Dave! (grabs Dave) (approaches bear)

Dave: (panics) Wait, that's not what I-

Sky: Here, sir bear! I offer you a feast and you will obey your queen! (pushes Dave into bear) (bear grabs Dave)

Dave: (panics) AAHH! (whimpers) What was that, Sky?! I thought you were gonna take it down by yourself!

Sky: (wonders) Oh, was I supposed to do that instead? (chuckles) Sorry, Dave! Totally my fault!

(Bear licks Dave and Leonard)

Dave: (scared) EWW! (whimpers) And his arms haven't been even cleaned!

* * *

(Team Kinosewak)

Scarlett: Our best chance to find which monkey has the coin is by conducting a neuro-scientific experiment. I mean it's no secret there's hyperactivity in the motor neurons of primates, right? (chuckles) (team Kinosewak confused) (annoyed) (sighs) We play monkey see monkey do?

Team Kinosewak: (realizes what she said) Great idea!

* * *

(Confessional)

Scarlett: (annoyed) Use. Little. Words.

(End confessional)

* * *

Leonard: (dramatically) Bear! I command you to release us! Beary, beary, release us now, from the arms of- (bear squeezes Leonard) (chokes)

Dave: (scared) Please, guys! HELP ME! (bear growls at Sky ready to pounce) Wait! Changed my mind, don't help me! (bear licks Dave) (disgusted) OH!

Sky: (worried) Anyone got any ideas? We need to save Dave, fast!

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: Oh, it's simple, having to choose between beauty, grace, and brains. But I've got all of those! WHOO-HOO!

(End confessional)

* * *

Dave: (disgusted) Ugh! It feels like the time I went to a bathroom at the opera and- (realizes something) Wait. That's it! Ella, sing to the bear! Sing to it!

Ella: (confused) Huh? (unsure) I... don't know if that will work. I thought you all didn't like my singing.

Sugar: (annoyed) Duh! You can't even sing a birdy to sleep in it's nest!

Dave: (panics) Sugar, please! Ella, just try it! It might work!

Ella: (still unsure) Uh, I'm still not sure.

* * *

Jasmine: (to monkeys) Alright, monkeys! Wave your hands like this! (team Kinosewak waves arms wildly) (monkeys wave arms wildly)

Topher: (to monkeys) Cool guy double point to the camera! (team Kinosewak points) (monkeys stop waving and point)

Max: (nervous) Whoa! Slow down! This is tricky.

Amy: (pulls out coin) (to monkeys) Throw a coin in the air! (team Kinosewak flip coins) (Kinosewak monkey flips coin) (catches coin) Hah! Gotcha, suckers! (monkeys glare at Kinosewak monkey, Kinosewak monkey face-palms)

Rodney: Now let's head back! (Team Kinosewak except Max run back to meeting area)

Max: (pulls out coin) Ready! (looks around) (confused) Hey, where everybody go?

* * *

(Bear squeezing Dave and Leonard further)

Dave: (choking) You can do it, Ella! I know you can! Please try!

Ella: (determined) Um, okay, I'll try! (singing) (birds rest on fingers) (bear entranced, releases Dave and Leonard) (stops singing) Time for walkies, mister bear!

* * *

(Team Kinosewak running back to meeting area, Max joins in)

Rodney: (stomach rumbling loudly)

Jasmine: What was that?

Rodney: That was just the rumbling in my tummy. Just a little hungry.

Jasmine: No worries, partner. You can have some eats when we win the challenge!

Max: (sees trap ahead) (whispers) Yes! Almost to the trap, and…

(Team Kinosewak caught in net trap)

Amy: (irritated) What the? Where did this come from?!

* * *

(Confessional)

Max: Yes! Did you see that?! I have never pulled off such cruel looking evil. Pure sinister gold! (laughs manically)

(End confessional)

* * *

Jasmine: (angry) AUGH! I bet Sky built this trap!

Max: (laughs) WRONG, FOOLS! It was I! ME! (laughs evilly)

* * *

(Confessional)

Scarlett: (annoyed) Great. And he's gone now.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Maskwak walking back to meeting area with bear entranced)

Ella: (sings) Walking with a bear, it doesn't matter where. The sun is out, and I haven't got a caaaaarrre!

Rodney: (amazed) Whoa. I've never seen such a happy bear. Not even in cereal commercials.

Jasmine: (irritated) If we lose this challenge, guess who I'M voting for!

Max: (confused) Um, out of my winner.

Jasmine: (irritated) UNBELIEVABLE! (pulls net) How we gonna get down?

Max: (smirks) Escape is impossible. This trap was built by the most EVIL mind! There is no escape! (net snaps and drops team Kinosewak)

* * *

(Team Maskwak in meeting area with bear still entranced)

Chris: (confused) Is the bear in a trance? How did you manage that?

Sugar: (irritated) Ella sang to it! And that kind of power should be MINE!

Chris: (annoyed) Great, should've figured. You just had to steal the fun right out of the challenge for me.

Dave: But the point is, (points at bear) we have the coin!

Chris: (annoyed) Riiight, you say the coin's inside the monkey which is inside this bear. That's the story you all agreed on?

Ella: It's true!

Sugar: (impatient) Oh, enough of this, already! I'm getting my snack if it means getting the bear to cough it up! (runs to bear, squeezes bear hard) ALRIGHT, FUZZY! GIVE ME THAT MONKEY! (squeezes bear further, bear coughs up license plate)

Dave: (disgusted) Ew!

Sugar: (squeezes bear again, bear coughs up wallet and shoe)

Dave: (disgusted) Ugh!

Sugar: (impatient) Come now, I know it's in there! (squeezes bear, bear coughs up Maskwak monkey)

Team Maskwak (except Shawn): (disgusted) EWW!

Sugar: (throws bear aside) (smirks) And as for you! (approaches monkey) Give me that coin! (picks up monkey, shoves hand inside monkey's mouth)

Dave: (disgusted) Ew! Don't do that.

Sugar: (reaching inside stomach) Come on, give it to me now, Betty!

Ella: (worried) Oh my!

Sky: (worried) Please stop!

Jasmine: (running out of forest, holding coin) Yee-hah! I've got the coin!

Dave: (gasps) Search faster, Sugar!

Sky: (panics) Jasmine's almost there!

Leonard: (panics) Find that coin!

Sugar: (happy) Ah-hah! (pulls out coin) Ta-dah! (drops monkey)

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: Going through that monkey's stomach was nothing like going for a needle in a haystack. Reminds me of that time I had to reach in my dog's throat for a roasted turkey. It was not pretty, but I'm not going to let my dinner get spoiled.

(End confessional)

* * *

Sugar: (walks up to Chris, holding up coin) (proud) I'll have my snack now.

Chris: (disgusted) Uuuugghh! You gotta get it in the vending machine to win, Sugar.

Jasmine: (runs past Chris and Sugar) Coming through!

Team Maskwak (except Shawn): (panics)

Jasmine: (approaches vending machine)

Sugar: (smirks) Easy peasy! (tosses coin to vending machine)

Jasmine: (about to put coin in) (Maskwak coin flies into machine) (gasps in shock)

Team Maskwak (except Shawn and Sugar): (cheering)

Chris: (impressed) Whoa! Game over! Team Maskwak wins their first challenge! (bear eats monkey and walks away) Today's snack food is from our Japanese arch footage, it's Chef Hatchet's Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails! (turns to team Kinosewak) Okay, team Kinosewak, it's time for you to vote to determine who's going in the cannon the first time. (Team Kinosewak glare at Max looking smug)

* * *

(Team Maskwak walking inside cave)

Sky: (excited) You'll never believe what I've found! HERE WE ARE!

Dave: (confused) It's a…cave.

Sky: (crouching on rock) (proud) YEP! And it's perfect for shelter! I just figured another night in the rain isn't gonna help us win other challenges.

Dave: (impressed) Oh. Well, thanks. That's very thoughtful of you.

Sugar: It needs a little sparkles though.

Shawn: (deadpan) So you finally gonna sleep like a sane person?

Sky: No thanks! I'll just sleep in the trees! (jumps down rock, walks out of cave) I am like a wild animal, you know. (Chuckles)

* * *

(Bonfire Ceremony)

Rodney: (stomach rumbling) Well, at least I'll have some more when I forage tomorrow.

Jasmine: (happy) You can say that again, partner!

Max: (smug) (chuckles)

Scarlett: (annoyed) What are you so happy about? You know you're getting voted off, right?

Max: (smug) Hmph, evil will see, assistant.

Chris: (tosses marshmallows) Jasmine, Rodney, Topher, Amy, Samey, and the final marshmallow goes to Scarlett! That means tonight's big time loser is, Max!

Max: (shocked) WHAT?! NO! (angry) THIS IS INCONCEIVABLE! _I_ was supposed to be the evil one this season!

Chris: (deadpan) Yeeaaah, too late for that, you're obviously not really villain material anyways so, into the cannon with you!

Max: NO! I want my revenge! REVENGE! I am the one true evil on this island! It must be mine! (throws tantrum) NO FAIR! NO FAIR! NO FAAAIR!

* * *

(Cannon of shame: Max)

Max: This is an outrage! I demand that you give me a second chance or evil will be-

Chris: (shoves bag in Max's mouth) (smirks) Yeah, yeah, whatevs. Better luck next time kid! (laughs)

(Fires Max)

Max: (muffled screaming)

Chris: Good riddance! It just goes to show you that the only ratings worth of villainy for that guy is to get fired out of a cannon. Tune in next time for more pain and less Max right here on Total, Drama, Pahkitew Island!

* * *

**Note: Throughout the story, I don't mind reviews, though I would like your opinions of the character changes based on the storyboard of episode 1.**

Sky- changed from (**The Athlete**) to (**The Wild Chick**); Based on the episode 1 storyboard, she looks like being a aspiring wild child with an uncivilized background as she looks absolutely nothing like an Olympian; Also, her relationship with Dave has switched roles, only that Sky is more obsessed than the original Dave and also has original Shawn and Jasmine's survivalist expertize; has no comparison to contestant Zoey, but to Izzy and Sierra instead

Dave- upgraded from his original germ phobia behavior to 100 percent neat freak; has a relationship with Ella instead because of her equal civilized mannerisms and shows no interest in Sky at all; also has original Sky's competitive drive to win with a plan for the money only to be depraved by Sky's clingy obsession for him; like a classic neat freak, my Dave is all about politeness and proper behavior, but has to deal with everyone's incompetence; has no comparison to contestant Noah, said comparison passed on to Shawn instead

Sugar- upgraded from country pageant queen to British city pageant queen; switched voices with Jasmine; original role of main antagonist downgraded to secondary; based on the storyboard, she looks more British than Southern

Ella- has a relationship with Dave and lasted a little shorter in the competition but still sings every song original Ella has; unleashes an extreme badass side in next season

Jasmine- has a relationship with Rodney instead of Shawn, in fact, dislikes Shawn from the start; switched voices with Sugar; downgraded from outback survivalist to outback ranch worker, with a family of Southern American immigrants; lasted much less in the competition

Rodney- downgraded from his lover-boy status due to an official relationship with Jasmine; has original Shawn's role of conspiracy theorist due to being a lumberjack; based on Red Riding Hood, my version of Rodney believes in werewolves and other supernatural beings, theorizes the mechanical Pahkitew island to be a conspiracy to turn humans into robots, based on Five Nights of Freddy; obviously looks more like a lumberjack than a farmer in the storyboard; changes roles with Shawn as a protagonist

Shawn- paranoia of zombies downgraded to an embarrassing fear of zombies which he hides from everyone with a hipster persona because of obviously no evidence of where his paranoia came from; changed from a conspiracy nut to a normal hipster; believes everything to be boring and disliked by his fellow competitors for his laziness, uncaring attitude, and directly insulting them without hesitation; changes roles with Rodney as a minor contestant

Beardo- no significant changes

Leonard- no significant changes except lasting one episode longer; apparently took the leadership role

Amy- downgraded her bullying of Samey, but on everyone instead; takes Scarlett's role as main antagonist, being much more focused on the competition; her superiority complex over Samey has passed to her fellow competitors instead; unlike original Amy, my version of Amy is hated by everyone instead of being well liked; her role as antagonist involves underhanded tactics, pulling unfair tricks, and unsportsmanlike behavior, as in the opposite of original Sky

Samey- intelligence downgraded but has original Sky's sense of fairness, sportsmanship, and honorable ways; her extreme doormat role completely removed, and wants to be close friends with her sister, but completely oblivious to her cruel nature; instead clashes with Amy over beliefs in fairness; unlike original Samey, this version is actually very confident and well liked by her fellow contestants and at home too, and also does not mind being called Samey at all, even referring herself as Samey instead of Sammy; unfortunately, despite her role upgraded to major, she lasted before Amy due to Amy pulling the switcheroo instead; **Note: I actually prefer her being called Samey because there is already Sam and I think it suits her better**

Scarlett- role of main antagonist replaced but still has a major role; interacts with Max extremely less due to being the first teammate voted out; still keeps her drive to win but with much less malevolent intentions

Max- (**The Super Villain**) label changed to (**The Not So Super Villain**) for obvious reasons; plays a minor role as a contestant, lasting to after Beardo

Topher- actually admires Chris to the point of being like Sierra instead of wanting his job; takes Chris's side and defends him when a contestant badmouths him instead of directly offending Chris instead, even when Chris left everyone including Topher himself to die; lasted longer as a contestant


	4. I Love You, Greased Pig!

3\. I Love You, Greased Pig!

Chris sets up an obstacle course relay race with a greasy baton where Sugar and Jasmine quickly emerge to take over their respective teams. The first of many moments between Ella and Dave are shown, Samey starts to doubt making friends with her sister Amy after seeing her snap immensely at the pig, while Ella and Topher begin to get on Chris' nerves. Eventually Jasmine's leadership wins it for her team, and Leonard is deemed useless for his nonstop role-playing and is made to disappear while Chris imposes an ultimatum on Ella: if she sings again, she will be automatically disqualified.

* * *

(Team Kinosewak's treehouse)

Jasmine: (yawns) (unties rope from leg, jumps down tree)

Amy: (annoyed) What, you're going foraging without me?!

Jasmine: (annoyed) Well, somewhat like that. And I prefer if Samey came instead!

Samey: (pops out from window) Did someone call me?

Jasmine: (happy) There's the twin we know and love! Want to go foraging with me, Samey?

Samey: (happy) Sure! I'd love to!

Amy: (annoyed) Ugh! Fine! You can come.

* * *

(Confessional)

Samey: (excited) Did you see that?! Amy and I are really off to a good start! (ponders) Hmm, maybe I should find her some friends too. For some reason, she doesn't really have a lot of friends back home like I do. (proud) But that's okay since as her sister, I guarantee that she WILL get friends! Cross my heart!

(Confessional)

Amy: (annoyed) Yeeaahh, she's starting to annoy me with all the "sisterly bonding" stuff. I mean, hello! We're all in a competition! There's no time for that stuff!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Jasmine, Amy and Samey foraging)

Sky: HI-YAH! (slices berries off trees with stick, catches berries) (proud) And THAT'S how I hunt berries!

Rodney: I guess that's one way.

Sky: Yeah, well I gotta go now! Team's calling me! Cheetah speed, charge! (sprints away)

Jasmine: (happy) Hi there, Rodney! Want to join picking with us?

Rodney: (nervous) Oh, uh, hi… Jasmine. Uhh, uuuuhhh… (runs off)

Samey: (confused) I think that was a no.

Amy: (scoffs) No kidding! What a weirdo.

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (nervous) You know how dating works for me? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby as an addition to a lumberjack service which could be dangerous for fighting the supernatural! (wonders) Or maybe working at a ranch.

(Confessional)

Samey: Call it crazy but I think the awesome cowgirl Jasmine living in Australia has a thing for the weird lumberjack Rodney. Sure, they'd be SO cute together, but I'm mostly confused.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Maskwak's cave)

(Shawn lying on rock, Sugar watches Leonard chanting)

Sky: (holding sack) H-h-hey! Whooo's hungry?!

Sugar: (happy) YAHOO! (jumps at Sky) I could eat the leg off of a table, (pulls out fruit) only we don't have one!

Ella: (happy) Oh, Sky! As a special thank you, I'd like to sing you a song! (clears throat) (sings) The fruit Sky brought, brought joy to the-

Sugar: (shoves fruit in Ella's mouth) Eat up, Ella, you look skinny enough to run through a rainstorm without getting wet.

Dave: (walks in holding bucket of water) Got some fresh clean water from the stream. Don't want to be too dehydrated during the challenge.

Sky: (runs to confused Dave) AWESOME! So great! You are so-

Ella: (sings) The water Dave brought, brought joy to the-

Shawn: (deadpan) Thank you, but no song requirrred puh-lease.

Leonard: Yes Ella, maybe you could go sing to the other team as a sign of (wonders)… a good luck charm!

Ella: (happy) (gasps) That is a wonderful idea! (sings and skips out of cave)

Leonard and Dave: (relief) Phew!

Sky: So Dave, as I was saying-

Dave: (thankful) Nice one, Leonard. (turns to Sky) Oh, and thanks for finding this cave, Sky. If you like some help foraging tomorrow-

Sky: (excited) YEAH-YEAH! Tomorrow! You can ALWAYS forage with me, Dave! Totally!

Dave: (confused) Uh, yeah, sounds great? (turns to Shawn) (annoyed) At least some people are useful.

Shawn: (deadpan) Meh, whatever. Don't really care about all the friend stuff going on here since comfortable people may think others enjoyed their singing, but in reality, it's annoying up to eleven.

Dave: (annoyed) Could you please ease up on her? She did win us the challenge last time with that bear and saved us with it.

Sky: YEAH! She is definitely my master (to Dave) (flirtingly) and you're my king.

(Dave confused and uncomfortable)

* * *

(Team Kinosewak eating breakfast, Rodney arrives sitting down on rock)

Samey: Hey Rodney, want some berries?

(Rodney fantasizes Samey)

Samey: (confused) Uh, if you don't like berries, we did find some nuts.

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (excited) Samey says "hey"? I say "hey"! All the time! (love-struck) Love is like an arrow you can't dodge and I am pierced! (worried) But breaking up with Jasmine's gonna be hard. (love-struck) But it's the right thing to do.

(End confessional)

* * *

Rodney: (looks around team) Um, is it just me, or does Samey pick way better berries than Amy?

Amy: (irritated) (crushes berries) Uuugghh!

Samey: (confused) Really? I thought for sure they're the same.

Scarlett: Perhaps you had an involuntary gustatory association with Amy and unpleasant tastes.

Topher: (laughs) Yeah, her ugly face was spoiling the moment, and Chris would love that!

Amy: (irritated) Um, I'm right here, you know!

Samey: (worried) Is something wrong, Amy?

Ella: (dances to team Kinosewak) (happy) Good morning, other team! Who would like to hear a song?

Chris: (loudspeaker) NO ONE, Ella! It's challenge time! All butts to the meeting area in five.

Topher: (serious) YEAH! You heard Chris, losers! MOVE IT! (runs off)

* * *

Chris: Welcome campers, to the oop-stacle relay race of hilarious hurts.

Topher: Great name, total props to you, Chris.

Chris: Thank you Topher. Now, each player takes on a different oop-stacle starting with (turns on screen) the greased log over a thorny bog. (changes scene) That gets you to a greasy zip line over the ravine for the next player. (changes scene) Then a quick and painful journey through the grease-stacular cue-tacular. (changes scene) Next up is the grease tires. (changes scene) And then a pass off to the greasy wheelbarrow race. (changes scene) And the last lucky player climbs a rope up the grease wall or tries to and falls, which is way funnier. (chuckles)

Dave: (disgusted) That's…a lot of grease. It's very greasy, like all of it! (worried) Greasy.

Chris: Yep! Now, I was gonna have you pass a relay baton but couldn't find any.

Topher: (excited) So what're you gonna make them use instead? (rubs hands in excitement) Oh-ho-ho, this is gonna be so good!

(Pig squealing)

Chris: You'll be using (Chef brings in pigs) greased wild PORKERS, not so much as batons as ba-cons!

Topher: (laughs) GOOD ONE, CHRIS!

Chris: Thank you, Topher. First team across the finish line, with their boar, wins! Now, decide who's on what oops-stacle, cause the race is about to start!

Rodney: (excited) Me, Jasmine, and Samey first? (Jasmine and Samey confused) Sure do! (frowns nervously) Uuh, (distressed) wait! I mean… UGH! Focus Rodney, focus! (calms down) (to Jasmine and Samey) Two hearts strong can't… (confused) Uh, I wrote a- (Amy punches Rodney) OOF!

Amy: (serious) Stop TALKING, Rodney goes first, Topher takes the zip-line, I'LL take the third, Samey on tires, Scarlett on the wheelbarrow, and the certain cowgirl takes the wall.

(Rodney fantasizes Amy)

Jasmine: Well, I resemble that remark, but that ain't a bad idea, Amy.

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (love-struck) I never felt this way before about anyone. What Amy and I have is really special. (worried) (gasps) I've got three girlfriends! Which of my truest love is my true love?!

(End confessional)

* * *

Amy: Well of course it's not, (smirks) I'm always the smarter one, and you're all horrible at EVERYTHING.

Jasmine: (stern) No one is better than anyone, alright? Now let's go! Hop to it like a kangaroo on the birdie.

(Team Kinosewak rushes to designated positions)

Ella: (happy) I think SUGAR should take the last section. She does look strong enough to carry something big and cute!

Sugar: (annoyed) Well, normally, I would agree that I'm the best, but HELLO, guys! (happy) We have a real WIZARD on our team!

Dave: (clears throat) (annoyed) Guys, can we PLEASE leave fiction aside for a second? Sky is practically more experienced handling animals, she should take the last le-

Sugar: (angry) NO! Two words! WIZ! ARD!

Dave: (scared) Um, okay, then Sky can take the first?

Sugar: (serious) Only if the wizard cannot be in two places at once.

Chris: (loudspeaker) Okay, teams! Take your places!

(Team Maskwak walk to positions)

Leonard: Then it's settled! Sky goes first, (proud) I'LL take the last, and the rest of you travel companions pick a spot!

* * *

(Starting line: Sky and Rodney)

Chris: Ready... set… (air horn)

Maskwak pig: (squeals) (breaks from Sky's grip) (runs around)

Sky: (angry) HEY! (chases pig) Oh no you don't! GET BACK HERE, PREY! (jumps at pig, wrestling)

(Kinosewak pig sits down)

Rodney: (determined) For AMY! (picks up pig, runs up greased log, slipping) (panicking)

Sky: (chases pig up log) Whoa! Wait for your queen! (tries to push pig up log) Come on, come on! (pig farts in Sky's face) (Sky disgusted)

Shawn: (deadpan) (scoffs) You can't even push a pig like that? And you call yourself a jungle queen even though you can't handle one little piggy? Laaaame!

Sky: (angry) Oh, I'll show YOU WHO'S THE JUNGLE QUEEN! (pushes pig over log) (jumps on pig's back, flips off and lands on ground)

Shawn: (unimpressed) Still pretty lame, every gymnast can do that! (Sky throws pig at Shawn) Meh, whatevs. (pig runs, dragging Shawn across ground)

Rodney: (slipping on log carrying pig) Good boy! You're doing great! (pig squeals, jumps out from Rodney's clutches) (Rodney falls on log, landing on groin) (groans in pain) My biscuits!

Chris and Chef: (laughing at Rodney)

Rodney: (slides off log, landing in splits) (groans in pain)

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (worried) I hope Amy didn't see that.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Rodney falls over ground, pushes pig to Topher)

Topher: So THAT'S why they call it the oop-stacle course. (chuckles) Right, Chris?

Chris: (loudspeaker) (amused) Nice one, Topher.

Shawn: (being dragged by pig) (yawns) Can't you run any faster? Oh, that's right, you pigs are all sooo fat that it's no wonder you couldn't resist overeating. (pig, offended, drags Shawn into rock) OW! (releases pig, falls off cliff) WHOA! (pig runs off cliff, leash tangled on zip line, squealing in panic) (Shawn crashes into water)

Topher: (runs to zip line) And it looks like the gorgeous Topher is learning from Shawn's mistakes. (connects buckle to zip line, rides on zip line carrying pig) (excited) Chris, I am loving this challenge! (worried) But it kind of looks like you've been up all night planning this one. Seriously.

Chris: (worried) Do I look tired? (Chef looks away, whistling awkwardly)

Sugar: (arms out) (happy) COME ON, PIG! Come to mama! (Maskwak pig crashes into Sugar)

Topher: (finishes zip line) (proud) And the awesome Topher completes his part of the challenge!

Sugar: (cuddling and cooing pig) That's right, little pretty! Who's a greasy little piggy? (giggles) (picks up pig upside down) (walks off carrying pig)

Topher: (happy) It's commercial time, Chris! Please report to the end of the zip-

Chris: (appears behind Topher) (annoyed) Already know that, Topher! (turns to audience smiling, Topher watches in excitement) It's neck and neck and it's about to get tubular! Who's got the pork chops to win? Find out right here, on Total, Drama, PAHKITEW ISLAND!

Topher: (excited) YOU ARE SO GOOD!

Chris: (proud) Yes I am.

* * *

Sugar: (cuddling pig, pig struggles to break free) (happy) Mama loves you! Yes she does, baby Lou.

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: Grandmother always said, "You've got to love the fluff out of the dog before you take it out for a walk in the city!" Only that the dog is a pig and all, but (shrugs) hey, it counts.

(End confessional)

* * *

Sugar: (kisses pig on face) (pig calms down, confused) There, now isn't that better? (runs past Amy running dragging pig) I'm going to name you Sweet Pig! Yes I am! (dives into tube)

Amy: (stops in front of tube) (irritated) Come on, just get in the tube already! I'm not going with you because I'm the beauty and the brains, and you're the doer of stuff that STINKS!

Samey: (looks at Amy) (shocked)

* * *

(Confessional)

Samey: (worried) O-kay, MAYBE making friends with my sis is going to be harder than I thought.

(End confessional)

* * *

Amy: (angry) Did you not hear me? Stop fooling around, and HURRY UP! (pig frightened and charges at Amy into tube) AAGH!

Chris: (amused) I was worried about cruelty to animals during this challenge, but I'm fine with cruelty to Amy.

Ella: (happy) Come on, Sugar! (Sugar comes out) Hurray! I'll take it from here!

Sugar: (panics) NOO! It's MINE! I'm keeping her! (looks at pig) Or a him. Anyways, it's MINE, forever!

Ella: (nervously) Well, maybe I can piggy-sit her for a tiddly bit? (sings) Hey there, little girl or fella! If you came over here, it would be mighty swellaaaaa!

Maskwak pig: (squeals happily, jumps to Ella out of Sugar's grip)

Sugar: (distressed) NOOO!

(Ella hugs pig)

Sugar: (distressed) OH, I love you, greased pig!

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: (fuming) But I don't love that pig stealing, sing-y faced, ELLA!

(End confessional)

* * *

Ella: (singing and dancing with pig across tires)

Dave: (cheering) Nice work, Ella!

Ella: (singing) (carried across tires by pig)

Dave: (confused) Um, a little faster, maybe?

(Samey looks in tube concerned, steps aside, Amy comes out with pig)

Amy: AAAHH! (drops on ground)

Samey: (concerned) Are you alright, Amy?

Amy: (disgusted) Ugh! (stands up) No! I'm all sweaty and disgusting! (angry) URGH! STUPID PIG! I ought to-

Samey: Whoa, calm down, Amy, (brushes grease off Amy) (happy) I'm pretty sure it didn't do it on purpose, right?

Amy: (scoffs) Excuse me?! Whose fault was this!

Samey: (worried) Um…the pig's?

Amy: (calm) Yeah…that's what I thought... (mutters) stupid pig! (angry) (passes leash to Samey) Now take this useless thing, and GO ALREADY!

Samey: (takes leash) (happy) Okay! (runs with pig across tires)

Chris: And with only two oop-stacles left, the Kinosewak are catching up to the Maskwak! (hears singing) (disturbed) Wait, wha-what was that noise?

Ella: (dancing with pig across tires) (sings) We're right where we belong, with an oink and a song! We are moving right along to the-

(Air horn through intercom)

Maskwak pig: (panics) (squealing) (runs around)

Ella: (angry) You scared him!

Chris: (intercom) (stern) There is no singing required in this season, as in, NONE!

Ella: (gasps in shock)

* * *

Scarlett: (dropping trail of pecans at the end of tires to lure Kinosewak pig, Samey releases pig, pig starts eating trail)

Chris: Ooh, looks like Scarlett's animal trainer spirit has come out!

Samey: (impressed) Way to go, Scarlett!

* * *

(Confessional)

Scarlett: (shrugs) Pig love pecans. (pondering) Maybe they know pecans donated the progression of age related motor neurons each generation.

(End confessional)

* * *

Scarlett: (luring Kinosewak pig with pecans to wheelbarrow, places pecan in front of wheelbarrow, pig eats pecan) (pulls out rope and long stick) Okay little porcine. (ties leash to wheelbarrow) (ties rope and stick to pig, rope tied to pecan) Let's see if you can (climbs up wheelbarrow) catch up to that. (pig chases pecan, pulling wheelbarrow carrying Scarlett across grease trail)

Chris: (loudspeaker) And team Kinosewak has taken the lead!

Ella: (walking to Dave) (upset) That mean man gave mister truffles (Maskwak pig jumps in wheelbarrow scared) a dreadful fright!

Sugar: (calls out) (angry) HIS NAME IS GREASED PIG! (Maskwak pig holds Ella briefly)

Ella: (handing leash to Dave) (happy) Here! With my best wishes!

Dave: (looking at leash dripping grease) (worried) It looks pretty dirty...but, but...

* * *

(Confessional)

Dave: (worried) I'll be fine, I mean no one said it was dirty, germy grease, right?

Chris: (loudspeaker) I forgot to mention that today's grease is brought you from the grease truck of Chef's restaurant.

Dave: (groans in dismay)

(End confessional)

* * *

Dave: (whimpers) (runs with wheelbarrow across grease trail carrying pig, sobbing)

Scarlett: (sees Dave behind her) Hmm. (scoops up grease trail, throws grease behind her) (grease hits Dave in the arm)

Dave: (panics) My arm! It's on my arm! (grease hits Dave in face)

Scarlett: (wheelbarrow stops) What the? (sees Kinosewak pig eat pecan hanging from rope) (annoyed) Oh come on, seriously?

Dave: (runs past Scarlett, screaming) (crashes wheelbarrow into rock, Maskwak pig thrown to Leonard) (panics) AAHH! SANITIZER! I NEED HAND SANITIZER! AND SANDPAPER FOR SCRUBBING!

Ella: (runs to Dave) (worried) Dave, Dave, you're okay! (happy) Calm yourself and hear my voice!

Dave: (hyperventilating)

Ella: (sings) Smiles can help with trials and tribulations!

Dave: (calms down) (breathes deeply) (smiles love-struck at Ella)

Ella: (smiles back love-struck)

* * *

(Confessional)

Dave: (shocked) Wow, usually I freak out way more often, but Ella's singing surprisingly has a calming effect on me. (calm) I think I have a bit of a crush on her and she certainly likes me back. (proud) But I'm not here to meet girls, I'm here to win! (ponders) But perhaps one date wouldn't hurt my chances of winning.

(Confessional)

Ella: (excited) That was a true fairytale moment. (love-struck) I have found my prince!

(End confessional)

* * *

Scarlett: (covered in grease, crashes wheelbarrow carrying Kinosewak pig into rock, sends Kinosewak pig flying) (annoyed) (sighs) Well, there goes a brand new outfit. (pig crashes into ground in front of Jasmine)

Jasmine: (happy) All righty then, come here little feller! (Kinosewak pig frightened) Whoa, little critter! Calm down now, take it easy, NICE and easy. (compelling voice) EA-SY. (pig compelled, rolls over happy) (tickles pig on stomach) (giggles) (proud) Now ain't that much better!

* * *

(Leonard at grease wall with Maskwak pig)

Leonard: (dramatically) Pig-us levitatus through this stateus! Piggy, piggy float over the wall! Win this challenge for us and aaaalll! (Dave, Ella, and Sugar walk up to Leonard)

Dave: (irritated) Just take the pig, and CLIMB the wall, Leonard!

Sugar: (defensive) Oh, you hush now! Give the wizard a chance, why don't you?!

Leonard: (annoyed) Well obviously, my spells aren't working, because someone here, doesn't believe in my magic powers.

Dave: (sarcastically) Oh, don't you mean me?! (angry) Because IT IS! SUPERPOWERS AREN'T REAL! NOW PICK UP THE PIIIG! (Jasmine easily climbs up rope over wall carrying Kinosewak pig, jumps down wall, lands on ground)

Chris: This just in. (Jasmine holds up Kinosewak pig in victory) Fake wizard beat by real amazon! The Pimâpotew Kinosewak win!

(Team Kinosewak except Amy cheer in victory) (Amy sulks, annoyed)

Samey: (to Amy) (happy) Come on Amy, we won!

Chris: And TONIGHT'S winner's meal is provided by, (turns to Chef carrying food bucket) Jiminy's Beaks and Feet! Our chickens walk the walk, talk the talk, then we put them in a fryer! (Chef throws bucket to team Kinosewak) Now THAT'S evil!

Team Kinosewak: (run away carrying bucket, cheering) (Maskwak pig farts)

Chris: Waneyihtem Maskwak, please head to the elimination campfire area, cannon needs num-nums. (chuckles) (Dave glares at Leonard, Sky looks at Dave then also glares at Leonard)

* * *

(Team Kinosewak walk back to tree-house)

Samey: (impressed) Nice one Jasmine, that pig thing was totally cool. How'd you do that?!

Jasmine: (carrying food bucket) (proud) Oh just a teeny tiny trick I learned back in the ranch. No biggie.

Rodney: (runs up to Jasmine and Samey) (nervously) But I just...(gulps) can not, right? (about to cry) (hands on Jasmine and Samey's chins) I mean...BYE! (runs off crying)

(Jasmine and Samey confused)

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (sad) Breaking up with Jasmine and Samey was the hardest thing I have ever done. (sighs) I'm sure they're hurting right now.

(Confessional)

Jasmine: I have absolutely NO idea'r what the wood boy's trying to say all season! (ponders and blushes) Mayhaps he likes me back? Hmm, I hope he and everyone's ain't finding me too bossy. I mean, I had to take charge or it would've been one of us going out and all.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Bonfire ceremony)

Chris: (mocking) Hey, why so glum? You tried your best, and it was horrible! Now, let's see who you all blame for your collective failure.

* * *

(Confessional)

Dave: (deadpan) DUH!

(Confessional)

Sky: (laughs) Yeah! Obviously!

(Confessional)

Sugar: (proud) Definitely NOT the wizard!

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: (serious) Oh, and before we get started, Ella?

Ella: (happy) Yes?

Chris: (serious) Enough with the singing already. This is NOT Total Drama World Tour anymore. So, from now on, if I hear you sang one last time, then you're disqualified. Got it? Good.

Sugar: (happy) Ooh, ooh! I bet you can change his mind with a song!

Ella: (sings) O-(Sky clasps her mouth shut)

Chris: Now, one of you gots to go. (throws marshmallows) Shawn, Sugar, Dave, and Sky, you're safe from elimination. Which leaves Ella the songbird (Ella shocked) and Leonard the wizard. (Leonard shocked) And the irritating oddball going home tonight is… (Dramatic music) (Ella worried)

Leonard: (desperate) Wobbly-woo, wobbly-wee, don't pick me!

(Dramatic music)

Leonard: (panics) Don't pick me, don't pick me!

Chris: (annoyed) Leonard! (Flicks marshmallow to Ella) Yeah, pack your potions, you're going flying.

Leonard: (shocked) WHAT?! Me?!

Sugar: OH NOO! (Faints dramatically)

Leonard: (dramatically) Magic forth and opus spell, bring forth a time reversal spell! (Chef grabs Leonard's arm, carries Leonard away)

Chris: (laughs) Like I said, useless!

Leonard: (desperate) FIREBALL! LIGHTNING BOLT!

* * *

(Cannon of shame: Leonard)

Leonard: (sad) Aw, nuts.

Chris: Check this out, Chef! I'm gonna show you a little magic trick of my own. (Mockingly) WATCH in amazement as I make this contestant disappear!

(Fires Leonard)

Leonard: (screaming)

Sugar: (sad) (waving) Oh, I love you, wizard!

Chris: So far we lost a beat boxer, a wannabe villain, and an obviously fake wizard. Three key players in the game I NEVER EVER want to play. Who's next in the boom-boom machine?! Only time will tell on Total, Drama, Pahkitew ISLAND!


	5. Three Zones and a Baby

4\. Three Zones and A Baby

The teams are faced with their most dangerous challenge yet: babysitting. As they quietly run through three deadly courses, the attraction between Dave and Ella grows stronger, while Rodney's maternal side is revealed. In the end, Sky nearly leaves due to distracting herself from the challenge but Sugar anonymously convinces Chris to follow through on disqualifying Ella in Sky's place, much to Dave's dismay.

* * *

(Team Kinosewak's treehouse) (Amy sleeping with sleeping mask)

Samey: (pokes Amy on head) (happy) Amy, time to get up! (frowns) Aw, come on Amy, you love foraging, right? Yoo-hoo, Amy?

Amy: (annoyed) (groans) (wakes up) (takes off sleeping mask)

Samey: (happy) That's the spirit, sis! Come on, get dressed, Jasmine and Rodney's waiting for us. (walks out of treehouse)

* * *

(Confessional)

Amy: (annoyed) Ugh, why did my stupid parents make me let her come to the show? So annoying!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Dave's picnic)

Dave: (inspecting picnic) Straight rug, check. Breakfast, check. Clean hypoallergenic flowers, (sniffs flowers) ah, check.

* * *

(Confessional)

Dave: (holding flower) (love-struck) (sighs) An organized picnic is the most romantic way to eat. (worried) If you can get past the idea that every bite might have bugs or animal droppings in it. (calms down) But I'm not thinking about that.

(End confessional)

* * *

Sky: (in tree, crouching on branch, searching) (finds Dave's picnic) (excited) (gasps)

* * *

(Confessional)

Sky: (excited) YES! I KNEW IT! He _does_ like me! Yes! Throwing a wild picnic for me?! (love-struck) WE ARE SO MEANT TO BE!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Dave waiting for Ella)

Sky: (lying in front of Dave) (flirtingly) Hi, Dave.

Dave: (confused) Sky?

Sky: Yes, my king Dave?

Dave: (uncomfortable) Um, just "Dave". Uh, I kind of set up this romantic picnic because, uh…

Sky: (blushing and love-struck) Don't worry, I'm listening.

Dave: It's for someone very special.

Sky: (laughs) OH, Dave, I am SO-

Dave: And she's gonna be here any minute (Sky becomes confused) so, would you mind going away? You know, before Ella shows up?

Sky: (shocked) This is for... Ella? (denial) Of…course it is! Tell you what, I can bring her over and… (runs off distressed) (Dave watches in confusion)

* * *

Ella: (walking in forest, humming)

Sky: (runs to Ella) (distressed) ELLA!

Ella: (happy) Sky! Have you seen Dave?

Sky: (distressed) He's in the clearing, so beautiful, ready to bear his soul for… (sobs a bit) LOVE!

Ella: (excited) (gasps)

* * *

(Confessional)

Ella: (surrounded by birds) (excited) My prince Dave is going to confess his affection for me! (worried) I hope he isn't planning a picnic, though. The birds will follow me and eat everything! (bird chirps) (happy) Yes, that includes you, Alan.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Sky sitting on tree stump, sad)

Sugar: (smiling) (faking concern) I can see you're troubled with something, Sky. (sits close to Sky on tree stump) Go on, tell Sugar what's going down.

Sky: (sad) I'm just... (worried) do you think there's anything going on between Dave and Ella?

Sugar: Oh don't be so silly! Of course not.

Sky: (relieved) Oh thank goodness, (love-struck) cause I've been-

Sugar: (smirks) Oh, you didn't let me finish. (mischievously) You see, Dave's been flirting with EVERYBODY.

Sky: (shocked) Huh? What are you talking about?

Sugar: Oh yes, for starters, he told me that my right eye is prettier than the left. He's playing us girls like a flock of lovebirds.

Sky: (denial) He would never do that to _me_, would he?

Sugar: (serious) Oh yes, he really is. That's probably why he's not noticing you, Sky. (walks away smirking) Should've tried harder for his attention.

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: (proud) Yep, those were all lies, (serious) because the teams might merge sooner or later. (smirks) So it's the best time to mess with some minds.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Dave waiting for Ella)

Ella: (sits on rug) (happy) Good morning, prince David!

Dave: (happy) Ella! So glad you're here! I was worried for a minute that you wouldn't come (love struck) but now that you did...

Ella: (giggles) That's so sweet of you! (worried) But, aren't you still focused on the money? I mean, you were trying to win it all, is that correct?

Dave: (nervous) Well, yeah, I'm still in for that, (love struck) but I don't care about it now that you're more important. Besides, I would absolutely pay a million dollars for a chance to be with my true love, you.

Ella: (touched) Oh Dave, that's wonderful! You would do all this for-

Chris: (loudspeaker) Hey teams!

Dave: (annoyed) Come on! Seriously?

Chris: (loudspeaker) Proceed to the grand clearing, it's time for me to laugh at your pain! There'd also be a challenge! Last one there eats a rotten egg!

Dave: (dismayed) Well alright, let's do this then. (walks off with Ella)

Ella: (happy) Oh Dave, cheer up! I'm sure this will end soon!

* * *

(Team Kinosewak running to meeting area)

Topher: (proud) Last one there eats a rotten egg! See? Sounds better for Chris with the more useful inflection! Agree or _strongly_ agree? (runs into tree) (groans in pain)

* * *

(Confessional)

Topher: (proud) Yeah, me and Chris are pretty tight, like a mentor apprentice sort of thing. (excited) But what would make it better is that maybe the producers need another co-host! As in, me! Who knows, I just want to learn from my hero!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Contestants except Topher at challenge area)

Topher: (arrives panting in exhaustion)

Chris: (smirks) And Topher arrives last, so he gets to eat the rotten egg.

Topher: (excited) Aw sweet! Let me have it, Chris!

Chris: (annoyed) But lucky for you, it's already in Sugar's stomach.

Sugar: (stomach rumbling) Smell what you missed, suckers! (belches out stench at team Kinosewak)

Jasmine: (blows back stench at Dave) (Dave falls down from shock)

Sky and Ella: (worried) Dave! Are you- (looks at each other) (confused) What are you-

Chris: Listen up, campers. Today's challenge is called Hush or Die. The teams have to race through three separate and unique danger zones. Three zones have one thing in common, though. The noisier you are, the greater the danger becomes. Area one is called The Lion's Lunch, you got to sneak through a field of sleeping lions. Wake one up, and you're lunch!

Shawn: (sarcastically) But they're sleeping, so-

Chris: Oh! And there are rattlesnakes too.

Shawn: (deadpan) Oh. Meh, whatevs.

Jasmine: (worried) Um, a rattlesnake poison is kinda… deadly.

Chris: The venom in our snakes has been SLIGHTLY diluted so you'll only FEEL like you're gonna die. If you make it out of that zone alive, maybe you'll die in area two, the Pasta Blasta! Make a noise in zone two, blindfolded Chef will blast ya with pasta! (Chef shoots pasta at chirping bird)

Shawn: (sarcastically) Ooh, like anyone's gonna get killed with noodles. So lame.

Chris: Truuue, unless the burning hot noodles cause you to scream and wake up the carnivorous pasta bear, forcing your team to untangle you before you're eaten alive.

Shawn: Uh, yeah, that could kill someone.

Chris: The last phase of the challenge is crossing the avalanche zone!

Topher: (smug) Excuse me Chris, but you've kinda run out of creative steam coming up with the name for that one, no offense though.

Chris: (annoyed) (pulls out walkie talkie) Chef, give me a shot ten o' clock, seventy three degrees high please. (pasta hits Topher to ground) (Chris smiles, satisfied)

Topher: (laughs) Good one, Chris! But seriously, these little games might be challenging for you and me, but not enough for the rest of them! In my opinion, you should make this challenge a lot more unsafe for those teenage losers.

Chris: (ponders) Hmm, Topher makes a good point. (smirks) You're all so young and agile that I should step it up! So NOW... everyone will have to carry a special something through the entire challenge! It'll make it _way_ harder!

Topher: (excited) YEAH! THAT'S THE SPIRIT, CHRIS!

Chris: (grateful) My pleasure. (mocking) Now everyone say, "Thanks, Topher!"

Contestants (except Topher): (to Topher) (angry) THANKS, TOPHER!

Topher: (smug) You're welcome, losers!

Chris: Okay! (hot air balloon flies above contestants) Release the babies!

Contestants: (notice hot air balloon carrying babies) (gasp in shock) (intern drops babies onto contestants)

* * *

(Confessional)

Samey: (worried) This can't be legal!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Contestants successfully catching babies)

Rodney: (worried) Uh, do we have to change the diapers too?

Rodney's baby: (crying)

Chris: (quietly) Sshhh, they're sleeping. You wake a lion up with a crying baby and it's not gonna be a party.

Rodney: (cuddling baby) There-there, little baby-waby. Now go sleepy-weepy for Rodney. (baby stops crying)

Jasmine: (amused) (giggles)

Chris: (quietly) And...(air-horn squeaks) go.

* * *

(Team Maskwak sneaking through field of sleeping lions and snakes) (Dave accidentally steps on bone, team Maskwak shocked) (lion briefly opens eyes, falls back asleep)

Dave: (sighs in relief)

Sugar: (serious) (whispering) Stop your peddling, and steer clear of the lions and snakes.

* * *

Samey: (carefully hops over sleeping snake) (sighs in relief, then pulled behind tree by Amy in surprise)

Amy: (whispering) Here's the plan, we maintain a lead on them and wake up the danger we've already passed, and then let them deal with the lions, all in?

Jasmine: (annoyed) (whispering) Ain't that a little extreme?

Amy: (annoyed) And I suppose you have a better one?

Jasmine: (pondering) Well… (sighs in defeat) No.

Rodney: (happy) Um, I think I'm gonna go with Amy here. It _is_ a good strategy.

Scarlett: (shrugs) Sounds valid.

Topher: (smirks) As long as it makes Chris happy.

Samey: (worried) I don't know, that's kind of like cheating.

Amy: (serious) Open your eyes, Samey. They. Are. The enemy.

Samey: (worried) Ummmm…

Amy: (irritated) Are we here to win or whine?

Jasmine: Might as well get it done.

* * *

(Confessional)

Samey: (worried) Making it harder for the other team is really a dirty move and I seriously don't like playing dirty OR putting people in danger, on purpose. But if I have no choice…

(End confessional)

* * *

Samey: (sighs in defeat) I'm here to win.

Amy: (satisfied) Good! (picks up coconut and throws it to behind Dave) (snake bites Dave from behind)

Dave: (covers mouth) (runs around panicking)

Jasmine: (serious) (whispering) Alright now, let's get moving! (team Kinosewak walks away) (tree vanishes underground) (looks back confused) What in tarnation? Ain't we just standing behind a tree? Mayhaps I needs glasses?

(Sky runs to Dave, pulls snake off using mouth)

Dave: (relieved) Phew! Thanks Sky- WHOA! (sees Sky eat snake whole) (worried) Uhhh, yeah thanks, I guess.

* * *

(Confessional)

Sky: (excited) YES! He's noticing me! Sugar said I should try harder to win over Dave and it's TOTALLY WORKING! (love struck) We're gonna be together forever!

(Confessional)

Dave: (disturbed) Okay well, that's just creepy. (disgusted) And doesn't she know that snake might be infected?! (cringes)

(End confessional)

* * *

(Rodney carefully hopping over snake while carrying baby)

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: Snakes are like the lowlife forms of a Naga, which is often worshipped by Indians. It's basically like vampires with a killing intent. Don't know when you'll be around one long enough for it to strike.

(End confessional)

* * *

Rodney's baby: (crying) (snake alarmed at crying, prepares to attack panicking Rodney)

(Jasmine grabs snake's tail, then twirls and tosses snake away)

Rodney: (cuddling baby) It's okay, little sweetie-kins, there-there. (baby stops crying)

Jasmine: (amused) (giggles) Now ain't that cute, Rodney's being a big boy just like his pappy! (walks off) I can't imagine how you gonna deal with that every day if you had one!

Rodney: (embarrassed) (chuckles) (cuddling baby) Who's going to get his first demon vanquish? You are! (walks off) (trips over lion)

Lion: (wakes up, angrily snarls at Rodney)

* * *

(Team Maskwak sneaking through lions)

Dave: (whispering) Shh, we're almost out everybody.

Sky: (belches loudly)

Lion: (wakes up, snarls at team Maskwak)

Sky: (worried) Uh-oh.

* * *

(Confessional)

Sky: (annoyed) Okay, I knew this was going to happen when I ate that prey, but how am I supposed to know when it does?! (proud) But lucky for me, I happen to know how to dominate my brethren!

(End confessional)

* * *

Ella: (scared) This isn't good.

Sugar: (annoyed) You got that right.

Lion: (about to attack team Maskwak, snarling)

Shawn: (deadpan) Aaaaand we're done for.

Chris: (pauses screen) Will team Maskwak be eliminated from the challenge and existence right now? Or will they somehow escape the kings of the jungle? (smirks) And mostly, will Ella survive without singing the lions to sleep? We're all gonna find out soon on here on Total, Drama, PAHKITEW ISLAND!

* * *

Lion: (about to attack team Maskwak, snarling)

Dave: (serious) Okay… on three, we run! One…

Sky: (serious) NO, STAY! Dave, (throws baby to Dave) catch! (jumps on Sugar's shoulders, waving arms wildly while screaming)

Sugar: (confused) What was that all-

Sky: (serious) No time, Sugar! CHARGE! (Sugar runs up to lion, Sky waving arms wildly while screaming at lion)

Lion: (scared) (backs away whimpering)

Sugar: (impressed) That's amazing!

Samey: (to Scarlett) (shocked) Whoa! What just happened?!

* * *

(Confessional)

Scarlett: Panthera leo are apex predators not unlike ursos arctos horribilus, so their instinctive predator prey response is don't run from lions or bears, show them you're the boss.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Kinosewak arrives in area two with Shawn watching)

Jasmine: (annoyed) (to Shawn) Um, ain't you gonna help them?

Shawn: (uncaring) Meh, sleeping cats and oversized poisonous worms with fangs are nothing compared to watching a boring catfight with giant monsters. (sarcastically) Oh wait, you're one of them, right? What're you gonna do, go Godzilla and carry me to the top of a skyscraper?

Jasmine: (offended) Yeah?! Well save your trashy mouth for someone who cares! (walks away in huff with team Kinosewak following)

Topher: (amused) Ooh! And giant Jasmine is left burned by snarky Shawn as team Kinosewak moves on to area two. (excited) HEY! That's a good one! Chris should TOTALLY say that!

Chris: (pauses screen) (irritated) I was going to! That kid just- (looks at camera) (clears throat) Since all of team Kinosewak made it through the lion's lunch, they're ready for the pasta blasta!

(Chef blindfolded, loads can into launcher)

Jasmine: (worried) (gulps)

Topher: (laughs) (calls out) That's an awesome bazooka, Chef!

Jasmine: (irritated) Will ya stop that?! It's time to step up your game or I'm a gonna step on _yours_.

* * *

(Confessional)

Topher: (proud) She's right, time to show those network execs what I've got to be a co-host! (winks at camera)

(End confessional)

* * *

Topher: (puts baby on head) Check it! (runs to bushes) Five years of on camera poise classes! (jumps into bush, crawls out to behind tree) Get ready for the Topher experience, Chris! (proudly poses twice then accidentally steps on horn) (jumps up in surprise, catches baby in arms)

Chris: (loudspeaker) Did I forget to tell you the field is full of booby traps? My bad. (Chef shoots at Topher)

Topher: Whoa! (hit by pasta, stuck into tree)

Chris: (loudspeaker) Uh-oh! (bear appears) Here comes pasta bear!

Jasmine: (serious) Hurry now, Rodney! You and the twins help him out! (Rodney, Amy and Samey stop in front of Topher) Scarlett, let's do what Sky did and scare the bear!

Scarlett: (on Jasmine's shoulders, waving arms wildly and screaming at bear) (bear runs past Scarlett and Jasmine, blindfolded)

Jasmine: (shocked) What in the-

Chris: (loudspeaker) Did I forget to tell you pasta bear is running on smell? (bear smells pasta on Topher) My bad!

Scarlett: (confused) Isn't that bling bear wearing a-

Jasmine: (panics) HURRY GUYS!

(Rodney, Amy and Samey frantically pulling out pasta off Topher)

* * *

Shawn: (waiting at area two) (sees team Maskwak approaching) Took you long enough.

Dave: (annoyed) Yeah, no thanks to you!

Sugar: (excited) YAHOO! (dances) Oh yeah! Go Sugar! That's me! I'm Sugar!

Dave: (concerned) Wait, where's your baby?

Sugar: (excited) Oh yeah! (stops dancing) Huh? What the? (sees baby wrapped around sleeping snake) Oh. (sees snake sleeping on top of sleeping lion) (annoyed) Oh, come now!

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: This reminds me of the time I took my little brother into the big city and lost him. (ponders) Little, uh… little… I can't even remember his name.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Sugar walking to baby, dismayed)

Chris: (loudspeaker) (whispering) Will this be the end of Sugar's short life? (Sugar kicks snake out) Saying I hope so seems wrong but…

Team Maskwak (except Shawn): (gasp in worry)

Sugar: (takes baby) Wakey, wakey! (flicks finger at snake)

Snake: (wakes up alarmed, hissing, bites into lion)

Lion: (wakes up in shock)

Sugar: (runs back to team Maskwak, smirking) (laughs) Make a lion eat a snake! Whoo-hoo! Scratch that off my bucket list!

Dave: (disturbed) Yeah, you scare me quite a bit for a living person. (serious) Okay, come on team! (runs off with team Maskwak following) We can still win this! (Sugar drags uncaring Shawn along)

Chris: (loudspeaker) Team Maskwak are into zone two! (scene changes to Chris watching Topher carrying baby chased by bear from screen) But do they have what it takes to catch up to Kinosewak? (scene changes to team Kinosewak running) (loudspeaker) Unless Kinosewak figure out their problem soon, I'd say yes!

Topher: (panics) DON'T LEAVE ME! WE ALL HAVE TO CROSS THE FINISH LINE TO WIN, REMEMBER?!

Team Kinosewak (except Topher): (running into spring trap) (launched into air) (screaming)

Topher: (running from bear) (passes spring trap) (screaming)

(Amy, Samey, and Scarlett fall into bushes) (Jasmine catches onto vine, swings and catches two babies, lands safely on ground) (Rodney rebounds on ground safely, catches three babies) (Amy, Samey, and Scarlett take babies back)

Samey: (looks around) Oh no! We have to start area two all over again!

Amy: (frustrated) UGH! Are you KIDDING ME?!

Jasmine: (serious) Then there's no time for dilly dallying! (runs off) Come on!

Ella: (sees team Kinosewak behind) Oh! (happy) Well, hello other team!

Amy: (annoyed) Just ignore her and keep running!

Ella: (panics) Wait! Be careful of the horn in front of you!

Samey: (stops barely and sees horn on ground) Phew! (smiles at Ella, grateful) Thanks for that! (Ella smiles back and walks off)

Amy: (serious) Remember the plan we made earlier. Now, are you a team player or a team traitor? Pick… now! (Samey turns to team Maskwak, worried)

Samey: (sighs in defeat) (picks up horn and throws it near Dave) (Dave steps on horn)

Dave: (alarmed) Huh? (Chef hears horn, shoots pasta at Dave) (hit by pasta, pinned to tree with baby) AAAGH!

Ella: (sees Dave pinned to tree) (gasps in shock)

Sky: (turns to see Dave pinned to tree) Wha? (worried) Dave!

(Bear smells pasta, runs to Dave)

Dave: (annoyed) Ugh, (team Kinosewak runs past Dave) that was so uncalled for! (Samey looks back in guilt)

* * *

(Confessional)

Samey: (guilty) Ugh, I feel horrible. Not only for making it hard for the others, but also because I cheated! And worst of all, my whole team agrees with it!

(End confessional)

* * *

Sky: (hands baby to Shawn) Here! (runs to help Dave) I'M COMING, DAVE!

Shawn: (hit by pasta, pinned to rock with baby) (deadpan) Wow, seriously?

Sugar: (happy) Mmm-mmm! Time for some lunch!

* * *

(Sky frantically eating pasta off Dave)

Dave: (panics) Hurry, Sky! We all got to finish or we lose this challenge! (disgusted) And please, mind your manners too!

Sky: (happy) Don't you worry, my king! I'm almost done! (bear running to Dave)

Ella: (sees bear, worried) Oh, what should I do?! Chris said if I sing again, he would send me home. But then, my friends are in danger! (sees bear approaching Dave and Sky) (determined) But I guess, if I have no other choice… (runs to bear)

Bear: (roars at Dave and Sky, about to attack)

Dave and Sky: (scared) (screaming)

Ella: (stops in front of bear) (sings) Me and my friend, bear, B-F-F's beyond compare. (bear entranced) Dancing and swimming without a care!

Sky: (finishes eating pasta) Mmm, delicious.

(Bear smells pasta on Shawn, runs to Shawn and Sugar)

Dave, Ella, and Sky: (relieved) Phew!

Shawn: (pinned to rock) (bored) Could you hurry up? This is getting quite boring.

(Sugar carrying babies, eating pasta off Shawn, sees bear behind her)

Bear: (lifting up blindfold, growls and roars at Sugar)

Sugar: (annoyed) Back off, fur ball! (punches bear in stomach) This ain't dinner for two! Get your own supper! (bear falls over in pain) (finishes pasta, belches loudly) (hands Sky's baby back to Shawn)

Shawn: (carrying two babies) (sarcastically) Wow, what am I, a babysitter?

* * *

(Team Kinosewak running into area three)

Chris: (loudspeaker) Looks like team Kinosewak is going to cross the second finish line first!

Jasmine: (excited) Yahoo! (high-fives Samey) Go team!

Topher: (excited) YES! The avalanche zone! BRING ON THE DANGER! (mountain rumbles)

Amy: (angry) Cut it out! We are not losing this because of you!

Scarlett: (up in Topher's face) (angry) Keep us from winning, and you will wish you'd never met me.

* * *

(Confessional)

Topher: (nervous) Whoa… um… when did Scarlett get so scary?

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: Congratulations team Kinosewak, still in the lead and just one more zone to go. (intern rolls in carriage) First, I need you to hand in your babies.

Samey: (worried) Why?

Chris: (deadpan) Lawyers called Chef and said something about danger and babies and lawsuits and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Topher: (dismayed) Aw, seriously? You don't have a backup plan to keep it interesting? Ugh, it really would've been sweet.

Chris: (serious) Slow your roll, junior. (team Kinosewak except Rodney walking through mountain)

Jasmine: (looks around) (to Scarlett) Okay, seriously, why ain't I seen this part of the island before? It's like it just showed up out of nowhere.

Chris: (denial) Nope, always been here. Maybe _you_ aren't as observant as you think.

Rodney: (to intern) I already told you, I did hand in the baby. What kind of person would I be to putting a (love-struck) ten pound adorable little critter in-

Chef: (serious) A-hem. (threatens launcher at Rodney)

Rodney: (nervous) Oh, (chuckles) you mean (pulls out baby) this baby? (sad) Okay… wait! (cuddling baby) Stay strong, my little demon slayer. (intern takes baby) (walks off, whistling innocently)

* * *

(Team Maskwak arrive in area three)

Chris: (loudspeaker) And team Maskwak is finally at the avalanche zone, but (screen shifts to team Kinosewak cautiously crossing avalanche zone) with the lead Kinosewak has, they'll be hard to catch.

Dave: (puts baby in carriage) (turns to worried Ella) You okay?

Ella: (puts baby in carriage) (worried) Well, I'm worried that even if we win or lose, do you think Chris would still eliminate me for singing? I mean, I had no other choice, but…

Sugar: (puts baby in carriage) (devious) Don't worry, Chris was not there, remember? And who could tell on a teammate? Not me.

Dave: (reassuringly) Don't worry, he'll never know. We didn't cross through four hundred meters of bear infested booby trapped terrain just to bail out now. We can still do this! (mountain rumbles)

Chris: (loudspeaker) This just in, team Kinosewak has crossed the finish line!

Team Kinosewak: (at finish line) (cheering)

Chris: (loudspeaker) But, they didn't quite follow the rules exactly, Rodney! (intern holding out log) Unless you bring your baby back, your team doesn't win. (team Kinosewak shocked and glare at Rodney)

Rodney: (nervous) What? (chuckles) You think- Why would I-

Rodney's baby: (giggling in Rodney's shirt)

Rodney: (turns around) (nervous) Oh, this? Well, um, it's a cursed lump, of the uh, blank eyed specter! It's- (baby pops out) (sighs in defeat) Fine.

* * *

(Team Kinosewak back at start putting baby back in carriage, dismayed) (Team Maskwak cautiously crossing avalanche zone)

Dave: (serious) We're almost there. We still have a shot.

Sky: (stomach rumbling) (clutches stomach) Uh-oh, shouldn't have ate so much. Lion's roar's coming out! (team Maskwak silently panics) (belches loudly)

(Mountain rumbles)

Dave: (angry) SKY, you are a TOTAL- (Large amount of snow falls and buries team Maskwak)

Team Kinosewak: (cheering) (sliding down slope) (crosses finish line)

Chris: (loudspeaker) And it's Kinosewak for the win!

Team Kinosewak (except Rodney): (cheering)

Rodney: (turns to baby, sad) So long, little fighter. (tears up) I hope someday we'll fight the supernatural together! Then I'll be so proud of you! (crying)

Jasmine: (comforting) It's okay, don't cry, Rodney! (sobs a bit)

Rodney: (stops crying) I'm okay, Jasmine.

Jasmine: (wipes her tears) Don't ya worry, you'll find another baby someday.

Rodney: (softens up) Really?

Jasmine: (happy) Yeah, in fact, if you win the cash, you can even have your own island of babies!

Rodney: (sniffs) Thank you, Jasmine! (hugs Jasmine)

(Team Kinosewak awkwardly stares at Rodney)

Jasmine: (awkwardly) Well... alright... this is awkward now.

* * *

(Bonfire ceremony)

Chris: To the victors goes to spoils, compliments of (pulls out food bag) Spoilies second hand food emporium, where one man's trash is another man's tapeworm! (throws food bag to team Kinosewak) Think fast! (Samey catches food bag)

Samey: (happy) Well, at least we won't have to cheat ever again, (turns to team Kinosewak) right guys?

Team Kinosewak (except Amy): (talk in agreement)

Amy: (annoyed) Ugh, great.

Chris: (turns to team Maskwak who are all wearing towels) Now, one of you gots to go. (tosses marshmallows) Dave, Sugar, and Shawn, you're safe. And the very obvious loser would be… Sky!

Sky: (sad) Aw. (softens up) Well, at least I'm the man of the island! (to annoyed Dave) Win for us, my king! Be the big champ you are and-

Chris: Buuuut, Sky is NOT going home tonight. (tosses marshmallow to Sky)

Team Maskwak (except Sugar): (shocked) WHAT?!

Chris: (walks to Ella) It is come to my attention that a certain singer has sung her swan song. Sorry Ella, (pulls out card) I've received an anonymous note about it. Actually, it was (reads card) "ug-nonymous" note. (puts away card) But, whatever, you're going home in Sky's place.

Ella: (sighs sadly)

Dave: (irritated) Aw, come on! Seriously?! (Sugar smirks evilly)

* * *

(Confessional)

Sugar: (scoffs) So I spelled "ugnanymous" wrong. WHO CARES?! (satisfied) Ella is GONE! J-A-W-N, GONE!

(End confessional)

* * *

Ella: (happy) So long, everyone. I've really enjoyed our time together. (holds Sugar's hand) Aw, don't be sad, Sugar, be happy!

Sugar: (smirks) Oh, don't worry. I'm not. (giggles)

Dave: (sad) Sorry you didn't last so long. (holds hands with Ella) We didn't get to know each other more often.

Ella: (kisses Dave's forehead) (happy) It's okay, Dave, I feel the same way too! But at least I've earned my happy ending, you as my true love! (Dave smiles) And the fact that I am now able to sing whenever I like! Which is ALWAYS!

(Music plays)

Chris: (disturbed) Huh, huh?! What the?! I didn't okay a musical bit!

Ella: (up to Chris) (happy) (sings) My time on the show is finished and done, (Chris frowns annoyed) but that's not to say I didn't have fuuuun. (surrounded by animals) I'll try my best not to cry. (dances past Chris) But, now I have to say goodbye!

Chris: (irritated) NO! Knock it off!

Ella: (sings) I came to Total Drama and survived it just fine, with only minor damage to the base of my spine. I gave it my best try, and now I have to say goodbye. I'll miss you all (to Jasmine) from tall (to Sky) to small, and (to Amy and Samey) even these pair of clones.

Amy: (annoyed) Hey!

Ella: (sings) (to Dave) So long my prince, (Dave smiles sadly) you made my heart cinched, and now I'm headed home! (Chef charges at Ella) I broke the rules and now I'm paying the price, (birds lift Ella) (Chef misses and falls off cliff into water) (birds gently put Ella into cannon) and soon will be launched from this cannon device. I'll do my best not to die! (Chef resurfaces from water) Cause now I have to say good-byyyyyyyyyyyye! (Ella sinks into cannon)

(Fires Ella)

Chris: (relieved) That's enough of that. (shrugs) As tempting as it is to see how many kids I could stuff into the cannon, ten remain. Who's next to show us their cannon-do spirit? Find out next time on Total, Drama, PAHKITEW ISLAND!


	6. I Love You, I Love You Knots

5\. I Love You, I Love You Knots

Chris makes the teams go through a truth-or-dare showdown. Jasmine and Rodney are forced to confess their feelings for each other in front of their fellow competitors, Dave solemnly misses Ella while continuing to be annoyed by Sky, and Shawn and Samey continuously get tormented over and over. Ultimately Shawn's issues in being truthful with what he likes due to his culture end up making his team lose and resulted in his elimination.

* * *

(Team Kinosewak's treehouse)

Jasmine: (wakes up on branch yawning) (unties rope from leg, jumps down to treehouse)

(Amy and Topher sleeping, wake up startled)

Amy: (annoyed) (walks up to Jasmine) I just wish your giant feet would _stop_ being so noisy! _I_ was having a wonderful dream.

Jasmine: (annoyed) Was that _you_ being blasted out of a cannon for always being a stuck up bratty girly girl varmint? (smirks) Cause that was _mine_!

Amy: (covered in ants, not noticing) (itching) (annoyed) No, I was being carried by the whole world worshipping me (proud) as the best goddess ever lived.

Jasmine: (sees ants on Amy) (snickers) (points to ants) Darn tooting, cause it looks like your servants are still crawling over y'all.

Amy: (notices ants) (panics) AAAHH! EW! (scratching furiously) GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME! (runs inside treehouse, sees ants on bed with Topher crouching in disgust) (gasps) (disgusted) Ew! Disgusting! (angry) (calls out) Samey! Get in here and help clean my bed, now! Where is that stupid blonde sister? SAAAMEYYYY! (Samey in the other room in bed, worried)

* * *

(Confessional)

Samey: (worried) Yeah, I'm the one who dumped those ants in her bed. But how else am I supposed to teach her a lesson that cheaters never prosper? (happy) I guess it goes to show you can't ever get away with nothing. (chuckles)

(End confessional)

* * *

Amy: (scorching ants with magnifying glass while Jasmine and Topher watches) (Samey walks in shocked) Use me as your doormat, huh?! (smirks) Well I'll give you something to walk on! Flames! (laughs evilly) (bed sets on fire) (scared) AAH! My bed! (Jasmine smirks) Those ants must've been fire ants or something!

* * *

(Rodney and Scarlett foraging)

Scarlett: (sees feces on ground) (stops Rodney) Careful, raccoon poop. (Rodney fantasizes Scarlett) (stares at Rodney) (confused) Are you all right? Your vacant stare suggests some manner of neurological arrest.

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (worried) How'd Scarlett know we were stepping in poop?! Of course it means something, (love-struck) love! (realizes something) (gasps) I got four potential girlfriends! (worried) Which one of my true loves is my truest love?!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Maskwak's cave)

Dave: (sitting on rock) (sighs sadly)

Sugar: (happy) Hey, why so glum? Is it because you and Ella were a perfect couple and now that she's eliminated so there's little to no hope of you two ever seeing each other again?

Shawn: (reclining on rock) (deadpan) It's obvious. Eighty-nine percent of couples are always depending on each other so they don't feel weak. Just look at him, all mopey and pathetic without his precious little girlfriend around.

Sugar: (shrugs) Oh well, guess that's all in the past now.

Dave: (to Sugar) (annoyed) How would _you_ know? Because it sounds to me you're the one who got her disqualified!

Sugar: (defensive) I was just looking out for myself, and you probably should too. Besides, _I'm_ the victim here. She was ruining my life!

Dave: (raises eyebrow) Seriously? Well, if that's the way you feel, (walks out of cave) consider all my support for you gone.

Sugar: (scoffs) The nerve of that guy. (to Shawn) (proud) Who does he think he is?

Sky: (runs to Dave) (excited) Hi, Dave! (holds out sack) Breakfast? (Dave walks past Sky ignoring her) (confused) What's up with him? (excited) (gasps) Is he back in love with me again?!

Chris: (loudspeaker) Morning, campers! It's time to start today's fun activity. So, get your butts to the meeting area toute suite! (laughs)

* * *

(Contestants at challenge area)

Chris: Step right up, players. Team Kinosewak, to the right, and team Maskwak, to the left.

Sugar: (proud) Coming through! Make way for your future queen of the stars. (pushes team Maskwak over to ground sitting at the end) Move over!

Dave: (irritated) What was that for?!

Sugar: (proud) Nothing, just that girls who sit at the end get more camera time.

Samey: (happy) Saved you a seat, Amy. (Amy raises eyebrow, annoyed)

* * *

(Confessional)

Samey: Last time, making friends with Amy was kind of a disaster since she isn't being a team player, (happy) but I think we'll get better!

(End confessional)

* * *

Amy: (sits next to Samey) (annoyed) Whatever, don't expect to come crawling to me when _your_ bed sets on fire.

Chris: (chuckles) Nice try, Samey. Save your power plays for the game.

Samey: (sighs in dismay) All right.

Chris: It's time we separated the brave from the liars. The game is "Truth or Scare"!

Topher: (excited) Yeah! Sounds nasty! Once again Chris, you've delivered the goods! (proud) If I was your co-host instead of Chef, I'd kiss your handsome face!

Chris: (irritated) Yes… thanks for that, Sierra-like Topher. (serious) Now then, (happy) every round (shows screen randomly selecting contestants on one side and halos and flames on the other) a player is chosen by random. (screen stops at Samey) (Amy stares at screen, confused) (Samey stares at screen, worried) It also chooses whether you'll be doing a truth or a scare. (screen stops at halo) Halo means truth, (screen switches to flames) flames mean scare. Get a scare and you'll have to perform a terrifying challenge!

Team Kinosewak: (gasp in horror)

Chris: (smirking) Don't worry, not all the scares will be scary. (points at Topher) Some will be disgusting. (screen randomly selecting halo and flames) But in this case, (screen stops at halo) Samey has gotten a truth. This means she just has to answer a question honestly, (up to confused Samey) but the answer will be REVEALING! (dramatically) It might expose a dark secret that could destroy her in the eyes of her newly found friends! (deadpan) Or not. Whatevs.

Amy: (annoyed) Yeah? And how will you know if we're telling the truth?

Chris: (proud) For that, we spared no expense. Meet (points to Clucky walking to Chris) Clucky, the truth seeking chicken! No lie gets past this bird. She's from the CIA and runs her own law firm, Buck, Buck, and Bagawk. If you have a secret, this poultry polygraph will pluck it out.

Clucky: (clucks and jumps on Chris's head)

Chris: Completing a challenge or telling the truth gets your team a point. But if you fail a challenge or tell a lie, your whole team gets a shock.

Sky: (confused) Um, what do you mean by shock? (Chef straps metal collars on contestants) Also, what are these thingies Chef's putting on us?

Chris: You just answered your question, (smirks and pulls out remotes) but let me make it even clearer. (pushes buttons, shocking contestants with electricity)

Jasmine: (worried) You tested these things, right?

Chris: (smirks) Yep, I just did, and you're still alive. Congrats. Let's start the game! And to be fair for Samey, let's have Amy do a truth too later!

Amy: (gasps in shock)

Samey: (gulps nervously) (to Amy) Let's just try our best, sis. Okay? (happy) Besides, this might teach you a lesson about playing honestly.

Clucky: (flies to Samey, clucking)

* * *

(Confessional)

Amy: (angry) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I'M A WALKING LIE! AAAGGHH! I should've known they have a polygraph chicken!

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: Samey, who do you dislike the most? (Team Kinosewak stares at Samey)

Clucky: (clucks impatiently)

Samey: (distressed) Okay, okay! Um, the person I dislike most is…, um, (calm) that's funny, I can't really think of anyone.

Topher: (deadpan) Really? You hate no one? (scoffs) Weak.

Chris: Care to explain, Samey?

Samey: Well, I guess it's because I'm a natural team player and all, and I always see the best in everyone, even if they weren't the nicest person around. (proud) Also, I keep well to my code of honor and I hope I become best of friends with everyone here.

Clucky: (truth cluck)

Chris: Clucky says… (adds point to team Kinosewak's scoreboard) that was a truth.

Contestants (except Shawn, Topher and Amy): (touched, express awe in agreement)

Amy: (scoffs) Please, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Chris: Yeah, I agree with you, but I guess a point's a point for team Kinosewak. (screen rolls) Next, we'll have (screen stops at Rodney) Rodney (side screen stops at halo) doing another truth. (reads from card) And the question is… in your opinion, who is _the_ most _attractive_ girl on the island?!

Jasmine and Rodney: (gasp in shock)

Clucky: (jumps on Rodney's lap, clucking)

Rodney: (nervous) (runs to Chris, holding Clucky) Uh, could I get a different question? I can't hurt those gals' feelings like that. (camera panning, Jasmine nervously biting down fingers, Amy yawning in boredom, Samey checking her hair in confusion, and Scarlett looking at fingernails uncaringly) Just look at their lovely faces!

Chris: (annoyed) You're running out of time, Rodney.

Rodney: (nervous) I, uh, um, uh…

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (nervous) If I pick one, the others will know something's up! (groans in frustration) Looks like I'll have to forfeit this point, worse to ghost busting and vampire slaying!

(Confessional)

Jasmine: (distressed) This is bad! For _reals_ bad! (serious) Looks like I'll have to help him out of this jam or I lose him forever! As they say in good old Australia, you oughta get your steed before someone else does! It's mighty risky, but what dad-gum choice have I got left?

(End confessional)

* * *

Rodney: (nervous) Well, I, uh…

Jasmine: (stands up) I'll explain it!

Rodney: (confused) What? Jasmine, wha-

Jasmine: (serious) Darn tooting it's me! Truth is… that Rodney, is… a purdy confused and lonely cow-dog who's a mighty bit weird with all his "supernatural" talk but I might be the only one who will try and understand his thing (Rodney fantasizes Jasmine) even if I don't get it myself.

Rodney: (love-struck) Wow, no one's ever into me on fighting the supernatural before. (sighs) (to confused Amy, Samey, and Scarlett) Sorry about this, girls, but I think I've found the truest of my true love, Jasmine! (Amy, Samey, and Scarlett look at each other in confusion)

Clucky: (shrugs in confusion) (truth cluck)

Chris: (confused) O-kay? Well, I guess that's another point for (adds point to team Kinosewak's scoreboard) team Kinosewak. (screen rolls) (happy) Next up is (screen stops at Shawn) Shawn doing (side screen stops at halo) a third truth! Wow, (Clucky jumps to Shawn's lap) what are the odds?

Shawn: (sarcastically) You rigging this challenge like you did in All-Stars, McLean?

Chris: (annoyed) Don't push it, kid. (reads from card) (smirking) If you could only save one teammate, who would it be?

Shawn: (sarcastically) Why not? Do I have to pick someone so deranged they'll think it's a joke?

Dave: (annoyed) Not funny, Shawn! Just pick one so we don't lose!

Sky: (chuckles) It _is_ a little funny. (Dave glares at Sky in annoyance)

Sugar: (annoyed) Well, obviously, it _must_ be _me_!

Shawn: (deadpan) Eh, whatevs, Sugar then.

Clucky: (lie cluck) (jumps and grabs shock remotes from Chris, pecks button on team Maskwak's remote and shocks team Maskwak)

Chris: (mocking) Liar, liar! Shawn's on fire! (Shawn falls to ground in pain) And by fire, I mean electrocuted! (chuckling)

Sugar: (angry) Hey! But that was truth! Check your chicken! It must be broken!

Clucky: (stern cluck) (shocks team Maskwak again)

Sugar: (angry) Those pesky chickens. Always think they're smarter than me.

Sky: (comforting) Don't worry, I'm sure Shawn would've saved you for seconds, (chuckles) (to annoyed Dave) get it? Seconds?

Sugar: (angry) (to Shawn) What?! I ain't no second placer!

Samey: (worried) Whoa, take it easy, guys. She was only-

Chris: (happy) Calm down. (serious) And Samey, stop picking fights with Sugar.

Samey: (confused) Huh? But I wasn't, I'm just-

Chris: Up next… (screen rolls and stops at Sky and flames) Sky, doing a scare! (to Sky) (dramatically) Sky, to earn a point… you will have to drink… (Sky becomes excited) an entire jug…of (pulls out jug of mineral water) mineral water.

Sky: (confused) Mineral water? (takes jug) No problem but, I thought it was gonna be something like, prey blood?

Chris: (slightly disturbed) Yeaaaah, no. (pulls out stopwatch) (happy) You've got thirty seconds, go!

Sky: (repeatedly small sips)

Dave: (confused) What? (annoyed) Are you… seriously?! (dismayed) We're done for.

Shawn: (sarcastically) Wow… _really_ pathetic.

Sugar: (annoyed) I drink maple syrup faster than that!

Chris: Fifteen seconds left!

(Sky still repeatedly taking small sips)

Team Maskwak (except Sky): (groans in dismay)

Sky: (distressed) This is as fast as I can go! It's basically how we wild animals drink!

Sugar: (serious) (takes jug) I've got this! (shaking jug rapidly)

Sky: (confused) Uh, how is that gonna help?

Sugar: (serious) (shaking jug) No time! Do you want to win or not? (sprays all the water to Sky's face) (Sky falls over)

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: (impressed) Whoa, this kind of reminds me of thirst thrashing. When evil goblins are coming, you ain't got time to sip!

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: (puts stopwatch away) Half of it went up her nose but that still counts as drinking! (adds point to team Maskwak's scoreboard) Team Maskwak gets a point with ten seconds left. Well done, Sky. (sees Sky struggling) Sky?

* * *

(Confessional)

Sky: (happy) Hey, you know that feeling you get when an eaten gazelle is about to go off in your belly like a volcano and have no idea it's gonna blow from either your mouth or your tail? (confused) Or is it out of your butt? (stomach rumbles)

(End confessional)

* * *

Sky: (stomach rumbling) (team Maskwak nervously back away)

Chris: (to camera) (happy) It's two-one, but it looks like a contestant might get blasted off the island early, and we won't even need the cannon! Stay tuned to find out on Total! Drama! Pahkitew Island!

* * *

Sky: (stomach still rumbling) (belches softly)

Jasmine: (confused) Huh. I thought y'all would get at least ten feet of air.

Topher: (dismayed) That's it?! (whining) Come on! Chris is trying to put on an entertainment show here!

(Screen rolling) (screen stops at Amy)

Chris: Amy! (side screen stops at halo) It is truth time!

(Clucky walks up to Amy)

Amy: (disgusted) Eew! Has this thing got its rabies shot?!

Chris: (uncaring) No. (reads from card) Amy, for a point, what are you scared of the most?

Amy: (serious) Oh, puh-lease! I'm not scared of ANYTHING!

(Clucky shocks team Kinosewak)

Topher: Chris, you said if one of us tells a lie, we ALL pay the price, right?

Chris: (happy) Yes, yes I did, Topher. Makes it more fun.

(Team Kinosewak glare at Amy)

Amy: (annoyed) Oh, whatever!

(Screen rolling)

Chris: Next up, we have (screen stops at Dave) Dave.

Dave: (happy) Sure thing, I've got nothing to hide.

Chris: Doing (side screen stops at flames) a scare!

Dave: (nervously gulps)

Chris: (walks up to Dave) Alright Dave, there are scary scares,_ then_ there are _scarier_ scares. And then there's (pulls out card) this. (reads from card) For a point, you must… kiss a person next to you… on the mouth.

Dave: (shocked) (looks at Shawn)

Shawn: (bored) (sarcastically) Really? (walks away) Don't even think about it.

Dave: (turns to excited Sky with creepy grin) (sighs in dismay) Well, if it's this or a shock… (annoyed) might as well get it over with. (mumbles) Seriously hope Ella's not watching this.

* * *

(Confessional)

Sky: (excited) YEEESS! YES! YES! YES!

(End confessional)

* * *

Dave: (annoyed) Okay, but we're only doing this to win the challenge, so…

Sky: (love-struck) Yeah… so it's like… two people-

Chris: (impatient) Hey, chitty-chat chatters! (points to watch) Clock is ticking!

Sugar: (impatient) Quit your squawking and start pecking!

Dave: (sighs in defeat) (leans and puckers lips to kiss Sky)

Sky: (opens mouth, sticks out tongue) (belches loudly)

Dave: (disgusted) EW! What's the matter with you?! I tasted your burp in my eyes! GROSS!

Chris: Times up! And since your lips never actually touched, (smirks) or in Sky's case, her tongue-

Dave: (shocked) Wait, what?!

(Clucky shocks team Maskwak)

Sky: (laughs) SORRY! Must've been the water!

* * *

(Confessional)

Sky: (laughs) Yeah, it wasn't the water, it's Dave. He is sooo cute that he makes me nervous and let it out. PSYCHE! (laughs) It was the water all along! Did I mention that was the lion's roar?

(End confessional)

* * *

(Screen rolls)

Chris: Next up, (screen stops at Shawn) Shawn! Doing (side screen stops at halo) another truth. (Clucky flaps to Shawn's lap) Shawn, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Shawn: (sarcastically) Does being surrounded by idiots count? Other than that, I'd say I'd change whatever's stopping Sugar from being lean and well-trimmed (Sugar offended) and the fact I firmly believe that maybe she should eat much less and work out more.

Sugar: (angry) (growls) (stands up) "I firmly believe"? "I firmly believe"?!

Clucky: (scared) (jumps off Shawn's lap and runs off squawking)

Sugar: That's pageant talk! My talk! You're going down, mister!

Dave and Sky: (gasp in worry and run to restrain Sugar from attacking Shawn)

(Chris shocks team Maskwak)

Dave: (annoyed) What was that for?!

Chris: (points to scared Clucky hiding behind his legs) For scaring Clucky, and after what Shawn just pulled, I could only assume his answer was a lie.

Shawn: (confused) Lie? (scoffs) Are you-

Chris: (serious) Enough! (shocks team Maskwak again) (smirks) That's better. (chuckles) (screen rolls) (screen stops at Rodney and side screen stops at flames) Rodney, for a point, you must pick your nose and wipe it on one member of the opposing team of your choosing. (Rodney looks around team Maskwak, then eyes at Dave, smirking)

Dave: (panics) No! (runs off) No! NOOO!

Rodney: (sprints and quickly corners Dave) (holds nose) Snot rocket, fire! (blows snot at Dave)

Dave: (scared) AGH! (cringes and gets hit by snot)

Chris: (impressed) Wow, you are WAY too good at that.

* * *

(Confessional)

Rodney: Months of practice, (shrugs) you never know. It had to be the weakest link of the team to be most sacrificial to a horde of devils. (worried) That and the fact that some of them are girls. I would never do that to any of them, even if it isn't Jasmine.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Team Kinosewak disgusted)

Dave: (shocked and disgusted) Yep. I'm okay. Not. Freaking. Out.

Chris: Impressive barrage, Rodney. (disappointed) But I'm afraid you're supposed to simply pick and wipe, not rocket. Also, you only needed to get the opposing member you chose, (points to disgusted team Maskwak covered in snot) not the rest of his team.

Rodney: (guilty) Oops. Sorry about that.

(Team Kinosewak gets shocked)

Shawn: (deadpan) Um, yeah… what about us?

(Team Maskwak gets shocked)

Sky: (happy) Well, at least it fried the snot off.

(Screen rolls)

Chris: Let's give it up for… (screen stops at Samey) (side screen stops at flames) Samey, doing a scare! (reads from card) You have to… punch a teammate next to you hard in the face.

Samey: (worried) What? W-why would I need to do that? I'm a nice person.

Chris: (smirks) Unless you want your whole team to hate you for losing. Get punching!

Samey: (hesistant) Uh, okay. (stands up) (to Jasmine) Sorry about this.

Jasmine: (reassuringly) No worries about none. I can take it. For the game and all. (prepares cheek)

Samey: (about to punch Jasmine) (lightly taps Jasmine in the cheek) (worried) Um, that counts, right?

Chris: (disappointed) Wow, really pathetic. (shocks team Kinosewak) From here on in, I'm gonna suggest better team-playing. Maybe then the score will get higher than two-one. Remember what's at stake, the losing team will be sending someone home. (smirks) (to Samey) And I think I know who will be sent home if Kinosewak ever loses.

Samey: (sad) Aw.

Chris: But, hey! Anything can happen! (excited) It's ON to the lightning round! (screen stops at Sky and flames) Put braces on a beaver!

(scene cuts to Sky at beaver dam, struggling with beaver, Sky emerges beaten up smirking victoriously while holding teeth braced beaver)

(adds point to team Maskwak's scoreboard) (screen rolls and stops at Samey and flames)

Chris: Use a cheat sheet on a quiz.

Samey: (sitting at classroom desk with one question quiz and cheat sheet) (holding pencil) (hesitant) Uh…um…well…

(Clucky shocks team Kinosewak) (Screen rolls and stops at Scarlett and flames)

Chris: Beautify a bear!

(scene cuts to Scarlett quickly putting makeup on bear lying on its back, bear sits up and looks into mirror smiling)

(adds point to team Kinosewak's scoreboard) (screen rolls and stops at Dave and flames)

Chris: Pick flowers with your toes.

(scene cuts to Dave nervously picking up flower with his toes, bee appears and chases Dave away)

(adds point to team Maskwak's scoreboard) (screen rolls and stops at Jasmine and flames)

Chris: Feed an iguana with your mouth.

(scene cuts to Jasmine holding cockroach into her mouth, walks up to iguana, iguana wraps tongue around and sticks to Jasmine's face)

Jasmine: (muffled panicking) (runs off)

(adds point to team Kinosewak's scoreboard) (screen rolls and stops at Samey and flames)

Samey: (sighs sadly in defeat) (team Kinosewak gets shocked)

(screen rolls and stops at Sugar and flames)

Chris: Okay, Sugar, to get a point, (Chef walks up to Sugar holding platter carrying tarantula) you must take this live tarantula and- (Sugar eats tarantula) (disgusted) Whoa! Ugh! All you had to do was pet it!

Sugar: (shocked) Oh, sorry, (rubs stomach) does this count?

Chris: (shrugs) Y-yeah, close enough. (happy) Team Maskwak gets a point! (adds score to team Maskwak's scoreboard) After all this pain and anguish, you're still tied! (ponders) Makes it seem like it was (team Kinosewak exhausted) all for nothing. (team Maskwak exhausted) And while I could do this all day, (holding up shock remotes) seriously! I mean, these are AWESOME. (puts away shock remotes) (serious) It's time for this game to end.

Team Kinosewak: (sigh in relief)

Chris: (happy) Right after the sudden death round!

Team Maskwak: (gasp in shock)

Chris: A player from each team will go head to head in a duel challenge. Winner's team gets immunity. Loser's team gets shocked and… sends someone home.

(Screen rolls and stops at Samey)

Amy: (frustrated) OH! COME ON!

Jasmine: (annoyed) Hey now, this is for the game, alright?! Show some support!

Amy: (irritated) Fine! We believe in you… (mutters) blubbering buffoon!

Samey: (distressed) Can I PLEASE not get another horrible scare, please?

Chris: Samey, in this sudden death round, this scare is plain and simple, untie a rope from (pulls out small sack) this bag.

Samey: Really? (relieved) Oh, thank goodness.

Shawn: (deadpan) (sarcastically) Really? (scoffs) Is this chicken past its expiration date or what? I mean, suuuurrre, most farms raise chickens and their eggs and all, but all they do is chop off their heads, (Clucky offended) skin them alive, and eat them ALL up. And I should know since I eat their babies all the time just like everybody else. But who cares, they're all dumb and weak enough to know that they are ALWAYS going extinct.

(Clucky gets angry and jumps at Shawn)

Chris: (holding Clucky back) Easy Clucky, keep it professional. (screen rolls) And for team Maskwak will be… (screen stops at Shawn) Shawn.

Shawn: (deadpan) Whatever, bring on the scare.

Samey: (happy) Yes, well, at least it's fair enough.

Chris: Like I said, it's simple, in each of these bags you will find the opposing team's shock remote. First to untie the tightly knotted string, get the remote, and shock the opposition wins the day. (Hands sacks to Shawn and Samey) GO!

(Samey easily untying sack, Shawn tries to untie sack)

Team Kinosewak: (cheer for Samey)

Dave and Sky: (cheer for Shawn)

Sugar: (angry) Shock him, Samey! SHOCK HIIIM!

Dave: (annoyed) If she does, we ALL get shocked!

Sugar: (angry) So? It'll be worth it anyways!

Shawn: (deadpan) Meh, whatever, (tosses bag aside) too hard for me to do.

Samey: (holding remote) (happy) I did mine pretty easy, do you want some help with yours?

Chris: (impatient) Samey! Just press the button already and your team wins!

Samey: (hesitant) Uuhh, uuhh, I can't do it! It's too mean! Honestly, who would do such a-

Clucky: (angry) (snatches remote from Samey and repeatedly shocks team Maskwak)

Chris: (panics) CLUCKY, NO! Shawn's not worth it!

Clucky: (pants heavily in anger and deathly glares at Shawn)

Shawn: (dazed from shocks) (groans in pain) (falls over)

* * *

(Clucky restrained by straightjacket and muzzle rolled away by Chef)

* * *

Chris: What an interesting day. Team Kinosewak, as the winners of truth or scare, you gain immunity.

Samey: (relieved) PHEW!

Chris: You also get this week's fast food delivery, (presents bag of food) courtesy of Humpty Dumpty's Meat Shack. At Humpty's, all the king's horses eat all the king's men.

Team Kinosewak: (disgusted) (about to throw up)

Chris: (worried) Uh, or if you want, Chef's making chicken. (turns to team Maskwak) Team Maskwak, time to vote one of you off the island.

Team Maskwak (except Shawn): (groans disappointedly)

* * *

(Confessional)

Shawn: (sarcastically) Wow, three losses in a row? This team is really sucking waaayy downtown. I wouldn't be surprised whose next to be voted off.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Dave walking in forest)

Sky: (runs up to Dave) (happy) So… crazy day, huh? I mean, we almost kissed back there.

Dave: (annoyed) Yep, crazy. (about to vomit) Hold that thought. (runs away)

Sky: (distressed) I just can't figure him out! Is he into me or what? (walks away sad) I wish he'd give me a sign. (stomach rumbles and belches loudly) Any sign at all.

Dave: (vomits off-screen)

* * *

(Bonfire ceremony)

Chris: The following team Maskwak members are safe. (tosses marshmallows) Dave and Sugar. Shawn, you could be going home because you caused your team to be shocked repeatedly by failing to tell a simple truth with your snarky attitude. Sky, you could be going home because (ponders) well, cause you, uh… um, (annoyed) fine! (tosses marshmallow to Sky) It's Shawn, eat up!

Shawn: (deadpan) Uuumm, what did I do, exactly? (Team Maskwak glare at Shawn) Meh, whatever. (walks off) Reality shows are a thing of the past now. Past eighteenth century, that is.

* * *

(Cannon of Shame: Shawn)

Chris: (to Shawn) So before we send you off, how about one last truth for those lucky viewers on international T.V? (reads from card) What… do you fear?

Shawn: (sarcastically) Hmmm, maybe it's your face? (serious) Of course it's nothing, duh!

Chris: (smirks) You suuuure about that? Like are you… reeeeally?

Shawn: (deadpan) Uh, yeah! Why, you gonna try to- (turns to Chris wearing zombie mask) (scared) AAAAAHHH! ZOMBIE! (realizes what he did) (embarrassed) Aaaagh, CRUD!

(Fires Shawn)

Shawn: (screaming)

Chris: (smugly takes off mask) (chuckles) (shows blog on cellphone) Thanks again for the info on his blog, Sierra! (chuckles) Who would've known the unconventional, thinks everything's boring hipster would be scared of the undead! Kind of like Rodney! Soooo ridiculously pathetic. (to camera) Nine players left! Find out which eight gets to hang while one goes bang. Next time, on Total, Drama, PAHKITEW ISLAND!


End file.
